When you first consider having a baby, you really aren't sure about the ways your life will change once you become a mom. You hear plenty of stories or advice from others, but I know that I couldn't help but wonder how introducing a third member into our family would change my daily routine and most of all, my relationship with my husband.So here is a little recap and honest look at the ways in which my life has completely changed since bringing little Rilynn into this world.
The most obvious change that will occur when you have a baby is that your whole life now revolves around this little person. Your sleep patterns, your meal times, your shopping trips...Every day is carefully planned around their fussy times or windows in which you don't think you'll have to pop your boob out and feed them. No seriously. I know you are "allowed" to breastfeed in public, but I still haven't gotten comfortable with that. So we try to plan outings around times where she shouldn't be hungry - and when we guess wrong, I spend 10 minutes awkwardly standing in a bathroom stall or out in the backseat of our Jeep feeding her.
You don't get long "free periods". Someone told me before she was born, "Watch as many movies as you can, because you won't get to watch one straight through for a few years." This is completely true. Maybe you think you have an angel child (like we did) the first couple of months, but eventually your baby will not allow you to do anything longer than about an hour. So unless you want to start watching a movie really late at night, once they are asleep, you can almost bank on them screaming at that pivotal super sappy moment you were waiting the whole movie to get to...
On that note, babies seem to have a super sense. They know exactly the worst times to cry. We joke about this every day. The second we sit down to dinner, the moment I step into the shower - these are the times Rilynn screams bloody murder. She could be sleeping or laughing the 15 minutes leading up to this, but it rarely fails. Be prepared for rushed, 5 minute showers and inhaling your food in 2.5 seconds. Some days, the most relaxing part is getting to take a 15 minute shower...and finally getting to shave the two week hair growth on my legs.
You will also develop a new "go to" look. Mine involves slapping on moisturizer and throwing my hair in a messy bun. I am lucky to find 5 full minutes to get ready. This is something I am working on and I've developed a simple, put together look that I can achieve in these said five minutes. Also, plan on adding about 30 extra minutes to your timetable when you plan to leave the house with the baby. Gathering everything you need takes a surprising amount of time...that, and Rilynn loves having poop explosions the second we get her all strapped into her carseat.
Oh and the poop. I never thought I would see so much poop in my life. Get ready for accidents galore and invest in a ton of stain remover. Also accept the fact that you will probably end up throwing away an outfit because it's 3am, she shot poop all over the wall when her diaper was off, and all you can think about is how quickly you can get back to sleep before she's ready for her next feeding. (Yep, this happened)
So what about your relationship with your husband? There has never been more love in my heart for Ryan than there is now. Watching him be a dad has made him even more sexy and desirable in my eyes - can I get an amen new moms?
But you don't have very much time (if any) to do things alone. Date nights now have the cutest little third wheel. Conversations you used to have over meals are replaced with taking turns holding the baby and entertaining them so you both can get a chance to eat your food. And if you are blessed to get a night out of the house early on, everything in you draws you back to the house, ASAP, because you are so worried about being apart from that sweet bundle of joy.
And a lot of you have asked me about sex. I was so grateful for my friends who honestly posted on this topic following the births of their children. Sex after a baby is great! - when you actually get around to it. Yes, it is different, but I can honestly say there are things about it that are so much better than before the baby. It may not be comfortable at first, but for me, it is awesome now. Where the issue lies is actually getting to the act. Every night I am so exhausted by the time I get Rilynn to sleep, usually around 12:30am these days. You want and value your sleep, so a lot of nights, that's what wins over your desire to get it on. Add the crazy hormones that steal your sex drive if you are breastfeeding, and the odds are really against your poor husband. What I can tell you and encourage you to do, is still make time and put effort into this area of your relationship! Some days it is truly the last thing on your mind, but every time we end up getting this "alone time" it does so much for us and re-charges us as a couple.
Although a lot of this probably sounds like a single person's worst nightmare - I assure you, I wouldn't give any of it up. Yes, my life has been completely taken over by this tiny human, but it is the best, most rewarding thing I have ever experienced. It has strengthened my marriage with Ryan, taught me important lessons on what it is like to be truly selfless, and created more love in my heart than I ever thought possible. Being a mom really gets your priorities in order. Instead of wasting 45 minutes in front of a mirror getting ready for the day, I'd rather spend those moments cuddling Rilynn or sharing a cup of coffee with Ryan. You value the free time you do have, and become so much more efficient at managing those little blocks of time.
So don't be worried about adding a child to your family! There will be adjustments and there will be tears - there will be days where you feel like you want to give up or that you were crazy for taking this on...but all it takes is those little fingers reaching out and grabbing your shirt or the tiniest laugh or giggle - and suddenly, you can't imagine anything better than being a mom.
