Diaries Magazine

Advice from the Attention Deficit Housekeeper

Posted on the 10 January 2013 by Tracy @talk2tr

Advice from the Attention Deficit Housekeeper
Happy New Year, Saskatoon.  2012 and all its garbage has been brought out to the curb and we have a brand new bin for 2013!  I hope we fill it with glorious things.

Speaking of bins, you may remember back when I wrote about my attention deficit housekeeping.  If I was a resolution-making person, I would probably be concentrating my efforts on making my house cleaner and more organized.  I should scrub more things with a stiff brush.  I should make a paste of baking soda and something else (vinegar?) more often.  I should fashion more nifty caddies out of recycled milk jugs.  I should find new uses for duct tape and chapstick. I should clean the toilet using fizzy denture tablets on a frequent basis.  Well, you know what they say…don’t shouldon yourself.

I read all those helpful hints columns where people send in their burning questions and I marvel that someone actually has the answers to these things.  I have years of experience running a household, but I certainly shouldn’t be writing household solutions advice columns; they’d end up looking something like this:
Q: How can I get a streak-free shine on my granite counter tops?
 A: Everybody loves a sparkling counter top. I like to use my sleeve.  Remember, you only have to do this when company is imminent.  Don't waste it on your family.  They don't care.
Q: There is a smell coming from my basement.  How can I get rid of it?
A: That smell is coming from your teenagers.  There is no way that I know of, other than adoption, to get rid of it.  It should begin to dissipate between ages 18 and 22; however some people don't notice a difference until age 30.  It depends how comfortable your basement is and how much sugary cereal you keep in your pantry.  In the meantime, try Febreeze or a combination of broccoli and Brussels sprouts.
Q: How can I get my family to participate in the household chores?
A: Most people agree that getting kids involved with chores as early as possible teaches them valuable life lessons.  Most people also agree that doing this is the equivalent of attempting to eat soup with a toothpick.  The conversation in my house goes something like this:
   Me: “Kids, I need someone to sweep and someone to vacuum.” 
   Kids: “Who’s coming over?”
   (Kids then wait the Appropriate Amount of Time and disappear down the stairs.  Unaware, husband approaches.)
   Me:  “Hon, can you do the sweeping and vacuuming?”
   Him:  “Why are you ruining my life?”
Q: Can buying in bulk save me time and money?
A: Well, in theory, yes.  Let’s talk about reality though. You’ll spend time making a very large grocery list, leave for the store and forget it on the kitchen counter, along with the grocery bags and the coin thingy for the shopping cart.  You’ll buy everything you can remember on your list, come home and then immediately return to the grocery store because you have no milk and nothing to make dinner with.
So, I have one prediction to make for 2013:  The year will end much the same as it began.  Chaotic, with a family full of good intentions, stumbling toward greatness.  I wouldn’t have it any other way. 

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