In most relationships, there’s one partner that you can always rely on to be strong. In our relationship, my husband has always been the strong one. He has no fear, no shame; if he wants something it’s his. I wouldn’t say that I’m the complete opposite but I’m definitely more reserved and less confident than my husband.
Our differences in strength actually make us a good pair. My husband encourages me to push my comfort boundaries, while I reign him in when he becomes too much. But it’s not often that he leans on me for extra support. If he’s struggling with something personally, he’s more likely to keep it buried inside. Through the last four years together, I’ve come to learn that when he’s struggling, he doesn’t want help, he wants space. It was a hard realization for me to come to since I, personally, would appreciate the opposite. I want a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, I want him to be there.
So I was a little shocked when in the days leading up to his grandmother’s funeral, my husband turned to me and asked me to be there for him. I was a little taken aback, generally he is very solitary in his dismay, but now he was asking for help. Not sure what he really was looking for, I asked him exactly what he needed. He said just do whatever you can do to make it easier, stand by my side, hold my hand, and just be there.
In that moment, I felt our marriage growing and strengthening right before our eyes. He was trusting me this time to be the strong one. To be the pillar, the rock, the foundation. He was willing to admit that he needed my strength, even though I’m not the “strong” one. It was the perfect illustration of how a healthy, thriving marriage works. Sometimes you will have to put aside your known and supposed weaknesses and turn them into strengths. Sometimes the person your spouse needs you to be will require you to push your limits. But you’ll do it, you’ll push the obstacles and ignore your faults, because you love them and they need you, and there’s nothing more important than that.
The reality is that there really is no one “strong” person in a marriage. At some point in every marriage, one spouse will rely on the other to carry them through, when they can’t seem to manage on their own, whether they are the weak one or the strong one. And that spouse that’s called on to be strong will be strong, rather they are the strong one or not, simply because they love the other person.
I hope that I can always be strong when my husband needs me.
