Beliefs

The number of things normal human beings are expected to do, which I do not do, simply amazes me. For example, I believe that the process of maturing involves collecting beliefs - like a child collecting marbles - till you reach a state of acceptable maturity. Nobody told me! So, I ended up being inadequately equipped with beliefs to function like a normal human being.
To be accurate, it is not that I did not collect my share of beliefs. So many of them were floating around that I did manage to snag a few of my own. What could be considered an adequate collection even if it did not reach the exalted heights of someone who could find a belief to guide him in every problem - specifically other people's problems. The issue was that I failed in the most significant part of collecting a belief. I failed to convert all of them - or even some of them - to iron-clad convictions.
The way words get used these days, I must clarify what I mean. I speak not of facts here and, by facts, I mean things that you KNOW about the world. I speak of beliefs which, to me, indicate ideas about the world that you THINK are correct. And, convictions are things that you THINK you KNOW about the world. The surprising thing about human beings is that they are more confident of their convictions than their facts.
The one major belief I failed to imbibe is something I have talked of in detail earlier. Apparently, doing anything is of value only if you get paid for it. Otherwise, what you do is useless indulgence and, if you do not agree, you are a loser. In the recent past, I have had people going starry-eyed when they hear I am a blogger and ask me, "How much do you earn?" The moment they hear that I make nothing from it, the stars turn to black holes and they lose interest in my blogging, and lose respect for me as well. As indeed is right for who respects a loser? THAT is the result of my not acquiring the seminal belief, leave alone making it a conviction, that "If it has no price, it has no value".
The other thing that I fail in miserably is in having opinions about leaders. A belief about a leader is a potent thing. Of course, human nature being what it is, a negative belief about a leader marks you as a discerning person and worthy of respect. But, even if you hold a positive opinion, it can still work - especially if the leader is considered the major, if not sole, champion of an ideology that is universally accepted. This much was possible for me. The problem is that I never could rise to the heights of, thereafter, also believing that the same leader could do no wrong and, if he was an apostle of Ahimsa, say, he was also an able administrator, a champion of gender equality, and kind to dogs and the elderly in his spare time. Nor, indeed, could I acquire the religious fervor of assuming that anyone who dares point out a single fault in the leader of my choice, is the devil incarnate and, if he does not have horns, tail and a pitchfork, it is merely one more sign of his duplicity. No wonder, I am considered sub-human by most people who know me, since I have not been able to acquire the smallest sign of mature beliefs.
What beats me, though, is this innate need for people to hold beliefs where no beliefs need be held. I mean, the money thingy I can understand because people want to make money and seek to make friendships with people who can help them do so. One who does not himself make money is unlikely to be of use to them. Likewise with the leaders - people want a Society that suits them and they believe (Illogically? There you go poking your nose in with YOUR belief) that the leaders will lead them to such a Society. I may disagree with their motives but I can understand what motivates the belief. There are beliefs, though, where the motive simply escapes me.
Let us assume that the people around you believe that Eskimos will treat you well as guests,if you put up a daily status message praising Eskimos. Let us say everyone around you has started doing so. You do not want to be their guest anyway, you also do not believe that it will help, why you do not even believe that there are Eskimos! So, do you vehemently say that "I am an anti-Eskimoist" or do you just say "I have no interest in guesting with Eskimos. Leave me alone." Ah! Leave me alone, huh? I thought so!
What, then, makes people behave differently when it comes to 'ism's? Take Theism, for example. There are people who pray to God and want to be with Him in Heaven. You do not want to go there, you do not think prayers will help, why you do not believe there IS a God. THEN, instead of putting that time spent in prayers to better use, you spend time yelling "I am an Atheist!" instead of merely saying,"I have no interest in your Heaven or Hell. Just leave me alone." Why, I have seen Atheists spend all their time spewing venom against a God that they insist does not exist. What sort of person spends a life hating a being that he is sure is nonexistent? I have found most Theists spend less time thinking about God than some Atheists and, if there IS a Heaven, they may surprise themselves by landing there after death! In their place, it would seem best to me to just sidestep the believers and go on to a discussion about "Piku" or something, but that is me, the ab-human!
So, yes, in some 'ism's like Atheism, I have never managed to figure out WHY people feel the need to choose that 'ism' but then, as someone said, when people have no rational reasons to fight each other, they will always find irrational ones. Or, maybe, it is just that you HAVE to call yourself some 'ist' or other, in any choice of 'ism's, for people to consider you adult.
That, though, must have conclusively proved how unfit I am for human society. I mean, not having beliefs is one thing but not even knowing WHY beliefs are necessary is certainly beyond the pale. No wonder I find myself talking to myself most of the time - since I hardly ever find an audience.
Good for me that I like the sound of my own voice. At least, that is what I believe about myself.