Yeah, you read that right. Biology is sexy, there are no two ways about it. I don’t even mean just in the subjective sense in that I find the science of life appealing. What I really mean is that the vast majority of the interesting things that you see in the world are probably related in one way or another to sex (or more accurately, the mate selection process). Life is all about reproduction, and so it should be no surprise to the sex-crazed world that, just like American advertising, living things use sex appeal to sell their products. So, with no further adieu, let’s talk about sex. *cue the soft saxophone music*
This guy is basically screaming “hey ladies, let’s party”
You have been taught that animals do amazing things in mating rituals for a long time. When you ask why a male peacock has crazy feathers, the answer is that he wants to impress the ladies. When you ask why male deer have antlers, you are either told “because they are horny” or it is explained that they are used (directly and indirectly) by females to choose the most manly mate. The examples in nature of things animals do to be sexy are endless. One of the reasons many songbirds have such intricate calls is to impress members of the opposite sex (because birds, like middle school girls, fall for anyone who claims that “I wrote this song just for you baby…”).
If an animal doesn’t have flashy colors or some kind of extra part that grows out of them during mating season, then they use things such as elaborate mating displays to get what they want, or they just plain fight over the mating rights of the local females. Think of the world of animal mating like a bar. Some guys wear flashy outfits, some guys pick fights over girlfriends, some guys can dance, and in the end whoever is the best at their chosen method wins the girl. It is pretty simple.
So what that really boils down to is that a huge amount of energy, time, and resources go into getting another member of your species thinking you are good enough to mate with. Again, sounds a lot like human relationships. But the reality is that living things have a pretty strict set of priorities: don’t die, and make more of me. Animals basically eat until they are sexually mature, and then breed until they die or can’t breed anymore. It is a fairly simple cycle, and yet the vast majority (if not all) of their energy goes into it. Basically, animals are like that guy you know who’s sole purpose in life is to work until the weekend and then hit the bars and clubs, seeing how many ladies he can get back to his bachelor pad. He owns way too many satin shirts, and has a remote that turns on a disco ball, dims the lights, and starts the stereo with a Marvin Gaye album.
But what about plants? Surely something so stationary and simple as a plant wouldn’t be as easy to draw an analogy with, right? They are nothing like people.
I have taken the liberty of blurring out the sexually explicit parts of this picture. After all, this isn’t a porn site.
Wrong. When you see a bunch of flowers in a garden or cones on a pine tree, you are basically seeing a bunch of streakers, running through the streets yelling “everyone look at my junk” and the worst part is that, for both streakers and flowers, people feel the need to stop and stare or even take pictures. Every time you look at a flower you are seeing the reproductive pieces of that plant tactfully displayed so as to make sure someone comes along and helps out the reproductive process. Most flowers even offer candy to helpful insects and birds willing to participate in their sexual acts.
So many of the things that we think are beautiful or majestic in this world are really just adaptations by plants and animals to more effectively and efficiently breed and survive. I don’t want to downplay any sense of wonder you have about the natural world, but it should be remembered that the amazing things we see in nature are not designed for us to look at and think “oh that looks pretty…” but rather they are part of a bigger picture where every organism on the planet is really just trying to survive and pass on its genes to the next generation. Think about that next time you see a weirdly colored animal or a plant with striped flowers. It is all about sex.
