Two and a half years ago I decided to pursue fitness modeling kind of on a whim. I got hired by Cybex from an open casting call and had so much fun with them that I decided to do a portfolio shoot with Lucie Wicker. I got signed with Maggie, Inc. a few months later and have done a few shoots and fit modeling with Reebok, did an infomercial for Gorilla Gym a year ago and just yesterday did a shoot with Via Prive, a local fitness wear company that absolutely rocks!
I found out about the shoot less than 24 hours prior and knowing I would be in booty shorts and a bra, I kind of/really started to freak out because to me, my body is not where I want it to be, nor where I feel it should be for modeling. But it’s funny to me how much we worry about our bodies when at the end of the day our worries are for nothing.
I was texting Mattie all morning freaking out about how fat I felt and she kept reassuring me I look great and that they wouldn’t have chosen me had I not had the look they wanted. When I first put on those white booty shorts and bra for the shoot, my immediate reaction was to grab a sweatshirt and cover myself up. Can they see my cellulite? Does my butt look fat? Can I hold my stomach in more? Oh my god, my lower abs are protruding! Why can’t I hold my abs flat? I’m so white right now. My arms are fat and my thighs are like tree trunks. All these thoughts going through my mind and I am about to step onto set for the shoot.
I walked out of the changing room and I was greeted with nothing but compliments. Wait, what?? Am I hearing you right? Are you blind? Are you lying? I immediately tried to cover myself up. I was thinking about my body before surgery. I was 10 lbs lighter and had 7% less body fat. I felt and sometimes still feel that my body was better and looked better when I was really lean. But the question is, was I happier then or now? Ask anyone who knows me and the answer is that I am happier now. Women place so much weight on our weight and it’s time we stop.
We must be kind to our bodies. You will gain weight and lose weight many times in your life depending on what is taking place at that moment. Embrace the change and know that nothing is permanent. You can change your life in anyway you please when you are ready to do it. I look at myself in the mirror every day, multiple times and tell myself I look damn good, beautiful, sexy, incredible…any positive word I want to use. Every time you feel fat or ugly or any negative thought about your body, run to a mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful. Give it a try for a week and see how you feel.
Mattie was right. At the end of the shoot, I realized that my body is perfect the way it is. It might not be the right look for every company, but for the companies that do hire me, it’s the right look. But more importantly, it’s the right look for me right now. I am happier than I could have ever imagined even though I am not at my “ideal” weight.
This whole blog is about two women striving to become comfortable in our own skin so that we can brave the world with confidence, all while being on this crazy adventure we call life.
So I ask you, what does a woman who is striving to be comfortable in her own skin, a woman that is radiating confidence look like? She looks like you, Mattie, me, the girl sitting next to you. The key is to believe it.
Kara
