Of course I fear the general things - like failure, disappointment, ect...but many of us (me) have a specific phobia that makes them feel like they are losing control when dealing with it and causes anxiety and panic.
I've been dealing with this since I was little. There was a specific incident that I remember being completely afraid of for the first time, but I don't know exactly what caused me to develop it. If you're a close friend of mine... you already know my fear and have probably had to deal with me before. {i apologize if you have}
Okay... I'll cut to the chase. I am an ematophobic. Simply put, I have an irrational, stupid fear of vomit. And I know there are more of you just like me out there.
I'm the girl who covers her eyes during the "puke" scene of a movie {in fact, I haven't seen Bridesmaids because I was told there was an entire scene I would hate}, I wouldn't be caught dead on a ride along at my husband's work {he's a firefighter/paramedic}, and I absolutely refuse to visit the ER {you know I really love you if I visit you in the hospital}.
Think about it... vomit can be anywhere. I tend to have a little {or a lot depending on the situation} of anxiety when I am in a really crowded and rowdy place. I've been known to skip out on a day at the theme park {roller coasters make people sick}, concerts, and college fraternity parties. My close girlfriends and family are amazing... they do their best to be aware of our surroundings when we go out. But, I often end up feeling really embarrassed or left out because of it. I'm truly lucky TL and my friends put up with me.
I don't know anyone who likes puke. It's disgusting. It looks gross, smells gross, and feeling nauseous is one of the worst feelings. My fear isn't of me vomiting - I am fine when I do. It doesn't bother me when I see a baby spit up, or even when I know someone has the flu and they are getting sick in the other room. I have no problem cleaning up after my dogs when they get sick.
My fear has more to do with that loss of control when you are in an area where you can't get away and someone gets sick. I was told I have an "internal locus of control" and it makes sense. {read about that by clicking here and reading under "causes"} I also get really nervous when people are intoxicated and throw up because I worry that they won't make it away from me. I am not a fan of crowded buses, on public transportation, airplanes, or anywhere I can't get away if someone gets sick.
Sadly, this
College was when I started making regular attempts to face it, and with the help of my girlfriends... I made a lot of progress and didn't miss out on too much! But anytime I am around and it happens, I panic and get away from the area as fast as possible {I have been known to run away}.
You might be asking... what are you afraid of? It can't hurt you!! And believe me, I ask myself that same question. That's what makes it an irrational fear. It's not like being afraid of spiders or snakes, because they can bite you... but it's the same feeling.
So... this year, my goal was to start doing what I can to face that fear. I know it may never go away completely, and the thought of living with it for the rest of my life causes me so much sadness. If I could change anything about myself... it would be this stupid fear.
I guess the reason I am writing about this is because I want to encourage other people to not be afraid to admit their fears. I am also hoping that openly admitting this will help me take a small baby step in dealing with it and pushing myself to realize how silly it is. There isn't a cure {believe me, I have researched} - but I refuse to accept it. I'm afraid, but I just have to keep facing it. In fact... you'll find me in that rowdy sea of red at the Niner game again this Sunday!
Anyone else have a fear of something unusual?{please tell me i'm not the only one...}PS. It took me a REALLY long time to decide about posting this... so please don't make me feel like an even bigger idiot by thinking less of me. ;)photo courtesy
