Do I have a drinking problem?Am I an alcoholic?
These are questions I never thought I’d be asking about myself.
When I first dated Adrian, he would sometimes mix a pitcher of margaritas to drink in the middle of the afternoon.Even after one margarita in the middle of the afternoon, I’m not good for much the rest of the day.
I might have had a glass of wine when out to lunch occasionally—especially going out with buddies from work—but I didn’t get much work done those afternoons.Because I like to work and expect to work all day, I’m not the kind of person who normally drinks before dinner.
I am the kind of person, however, who thinks that a good dinner cannot be properly enjoyed without a glass of wine.And since I eat dinner every night, over the years I’ve gotten into the habit of drinking every night.
No one who knows me thinks I’m an alcoholic, not even my daughter.But maybe she wouldn’t, because no one likes to think of her mother as an alcoholic.
My granddaughter, on the other hand, has commented occasionally that I seem to buy a lot of wine.
OK, so I don’t think I’m an alcoholic either, but I am a woman who has developed a problem with drinking.This can happen when you are sitting alone at night after your husband has died.
The glass of wine beckons.
Its taste soothes.
Its effect numbs.
You have another glass.
I don’t have an addictive personality.I lived with an addict years go and I tried the same drugs he did, but I took them occasionally on the weekend.I never missed a day of work or school because of drugs and alcohol.
The fact that you handled something like alcohol successfully all your life does not mean you are immune to its seductions.
Life changes.
You change.
A woman over sixty-five is not supposed to drink more than five ounces of wine a day.That’s one formula for safe drinking.There are others.
Last night I took my measuring cup and filled it with five ounces of water.Then I poured the water into a wine glass.
The water did not fill much more than half the glass.My wine glasses are very large, but they are solid and I like the feel of them.
I recently bought this set of glasses.It would be a shame not to use them any more.
But I am still allowed to be a social drinker and remain OK with my therapist.When she first suggested this idea—that I not drink alone—I immediately thought, “Oh good, I’m going to my sister’s this week, so I’ll be able to drink every night for the eight days I’m there.”
What started this most recent inquiry into my “drinking problem” was watching the movie Flight about an alcoholic pilot.The pilot is a high-functioning alcoholic, as many are, but watching Denzel Washington’s amazing portrayal of the man sinking to such depths was enough to sober me up.
I haven’t had a drop to drink since.
