Here’s a little tongue-in-cheek for your Tuesday. If you haven’t watched the show True Blood, don’t worry, it’s not necessary for this.
Eight things True Blood taught me:
- In small town Louisiana, you can’t flip your hair without hitting some ridiculously hot supernatural man. Note to self: Move to Louisiana or any small town where weird, unexplainable things happen.
- Said ridiculously hot supernatural men think nothing of putting their lives on the line for the woman they love, whether they’re getting any or not. Note to self: Seriously, buy a map, do research, move.
- For Halloween, dress up as Little Red Riding Hood. If you saw the finale, no note needed; if you did not, said costume makes for a Halloween full of, um, treats.
- Fairy blood is like having beer running through your veins. Note to self: Hmm, maybe try to create the illusion that virgin blood has the same effect??? Maybe not.
- Fairy blood attracts loyal, sexy, brave men who will always protect you. Note to self: Really, it couldn’t hurt to beg the nonexistent parallel world of Fairyland for a blood transfusion.
- One very single, very sexy, very loyal werewolf needs a nice girlfriend with no drama. Um, yeah, hiya. If the writers don’t intend to move Sookie in that direction and they just happen to need a girl for Alcide…um, yeah, hiya, again. Note to readers and that tricky little subconscious of mine: Hey, don’t judge—that role would be the most action I’ve had, well, ever.
- Virgins are sexy, desirable, cute, and funny: Sookie, who was a virgin in season one, and Jessica, who is an immortal virgin—see #8. Finally, a popular show that doesn’t stereotype virgins!!! Yay! Of course, they’re also a little different: Sookie is telepathic…and a fairy…with fairy blood…that makes men drool. Hmm, yes, best to stop this train of thought since I’m not a telepath…or a fairy…or have damn fairy blood that makes men drool. Note to self: Scratch #7 entirely.
- Immortal virgins are sexy, desirable, cute, and funny. Jessica left her mortal life a virgin before being reborn a vampire. Vampires have self-healing abilities. Every time Jessica has sex, her body, for lack of a better word, reconnects itself. Thus, she is a forever virgin and every time is like the first time. Doesn’t seem to bother the men of Bon Temps…well, unless the guy you dumped rants and raves and says mean things, like not wanting to spend his life with a forever virgin. Yeah, um, best not to focus on him.
So, in summation: I need to relocate to a weird little town dressed as Little Red Riding Hood, beg for admittance into Fairyland, get a fairy-blood transfusion, and wait for the vampires, shifters, werewolves—oh my!—to find me. Or, I could plead the writers of True Blood to create a little virgin character for Alcide, which, of course, would magically fall to me. Both options seem so likely. *note the whimsical sarcasm* Decisions, decisions. *note the unspoken decision to remain in dreamland…for the moment, anyway*
