Fate, Faith, and Mental Problems

Something weird just happened, I asked a girl to our prom. That isn't something I do. I don't know if it's just me being my semi-insane self but I never seem to be in control of my life, especially lately, whether it is being the personal driver and security guard for a prostitute, which led to me starting this blog, which led to telling random girls online that I want to have sex with them, and now actually having a real conversation with a girl I like, that leads to me asking her to prom, and her surprisingly saying yes.
I will be honest I have no idea what is going on at any given time, I don't know if it is just the way I live but the days blend into dreams which blur into the next day. I sometimes get my dreams confused with realities and that scares me. Questioning your own sanity is something that no one should have to do, and I seem to do it daily. I could be wrong, maybe I'm just paranoid but it doesn't seem like I'm in control of my life anymore, maybe I never was I was just forced into the normal routine of high school, but now the possibilities are endless I don't know how it's happening, but it IS happening, be it fate or my subconscious desires I seem to be doing everything and anything different; Things that I would never do, things that people I know would never think I would do, I seem random and disorganized.
I'm going to go to UBC!!! I'm going to sail around the world!!! I'm going to start a radio station!!! Now I'm going to make a blog!!! I'm going to bang random sluts!!! I'm going to find someone to fall in love with and start a family!!! Most of those happened in the last month in the last month and now I'm not sure what I WANT to do. And even worse I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do next, but I know that there is a next, and I will get excited about it. But what is after that? What will be the last thing I get excited about? I hope it is the radio station I really like that idea, I hope I can follow through with it.
Yet there is a type of solace I find in having my life governed by this unknown source, I feel like if I want I can just sit back and let myself go and it might all turn out for the best. Hell maybe that source is happiness! Maybe I`m supposed to surrender my fate to this unknown, perhaps that is the only way to reach pure happiness. Forget about the future, forget about the past, and ignore the norm. Maybe I should, maybe I will, I'm going to let this force run my life from now on, I feel like I have been but I'm going to let it go free, I'm going to close my eyes and for once have faith that everything is going to be alright.
Nick McDonald