It’s strange, really. I feel like I’m just waiting for summer to pass before another semester begins. It’s hard for me right now to understand that I will not be going back in August. Driving back home from The Vista Saturday night, I realized it was probably the last time I’d be in Downtown Columbia for a while. A long while. Unless I end up working there later. Which is another thing that feels weird. Working. I mean, yeah, I have a full-time job right now, but something feels different about it. It’s been my job all through college, and suddenly I’m starting to want more. I guess that’s normal, but I’m wanting to put what I learned in college to use. I applied to be a book reviewer for Real Simple Magazine yesterday. I know it’ll be a long shot, but it doesn’t hurt to try. It was incredibly challenging getting the review down to under 150 words, but I did. Even if it was 149 words. Hey, they didn’t clarify how much under.
Anyways, I appreciate the job I have now, and I love the people I work with, but it’s not what I want to do with the rest of my life, and I feel like it would be a waste of my education to not try to get into a field where I can use my academic training in conjunction with my personal interests (writing, books, social media, blogging, etc.). But it’s a process, a waiting game. As a customer today said, “God knows what will happen,” and that’s the thing that keeps me calm. Knowing.
I also had the idea today that I have the whole world at my fingers. While this may be less true than it actually feels, the feeling of it is nice to nurture. I feel free in a way I didn’t even yesterday. Sure, no one thinks I can get a job unless I go into teaching, but the language arts is what I love. I would’ve been miserable doing anything else. And God knows that. Even when I second-guessed my major last year – not because I didn’t love what I was doing, but because my possible lack of job prospects from doing it worried me – He knew that, regardless of my reservations, I was still doing what I love. And I believe He’ll take care of me for doing that, for not giving in to my parents’ wanting me to do accounting or library science or something that would give me a “guaranteed” job. Because let’s be honest. Nothing is guaranteed. And while majoring in something that doesn’t interest you as much as it will give you a good paycheck works for some people, it doesn’t work for me. Words and stories are my life. They’re how I understand things, and English was always what I wanted to do, even if I didn’t quite know it when I was still in high school.
But now is when I can start to actually journey. I can take adventures and I can really live. I know I probably sound naive to some extent, but as you can imagine I always have been slightly naive. But don’t confuse that too much with my hope and growing trust in God. Deep down, even though I have issues with worrying too much at times, I know He’ll take care of me. And as long as I keep using my love for words and stories to serve Him, He’ll be there.
