From the West Coast to the East – Flat Martini is going cross country this week to the lovely and talented Dawn Yanek, creator of the blog Momsanity. (How great is that blog name??) I swear, these adventures just keep getting more and more hilarious. I can’t stop laughing every time he returns. This little cocktail of love is seeing more things in one week than I have enough energy to see all year. I never thought a laminated paper beverage could make me feel so lazy. But then again, that laziness could be from how much I enjoy sitting and drinking actual real cocktails….
So Dawn is a pretty cool lady. She’s logged countless hours in the entertainment industry, appeared in more than 2,500 TV and radio segments, discussing lifestyle, relationships, celebrity news, fashion and pop culture. She was the public face of Life & Style Weekly and Match.com, as well as a columnist and senior editor for Stuff Magazine. And if that’s not enough, she’s a mom of a toddler. Just that alone makes me exhausted.
You can find her on the blog, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. Just be sure you tell her Flat Martini sent ya!
So without further ado – here’s Flat Martini’s adventure with Dawn Yanek!
When I heard that Flat Martini would be visiting me in New York City, I started thinking about all of the cool places I could take him—amazing restaurants, secret bars, VIP-studded clubs. Then I remembered that I’m a mom and that he should’ve visited me 10 years ago if he wanted all that fancy crap.
Still, as kid-centric as my life is, it can be interesting and grown-up from time to time…and I’m pretty sure that confused that the hell out of my boozy little visitor.
Flat Martini unfortunately missed our fabulous trip to Colorado by a few days. Instead, he joined us when we got back to the city—just in time for a sick dog and a 3-year-old with the stomach flu. It was delightful over here, let me tell you!
At least he was spared from the sickness (further proof that alcohol kills germs). When we recovered, we took him to Madison Square Garden to see Sesame Street Live. He got really excited when he thought this cute little cocktail might be joining us, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be.
Still, he was quite the sport and even got into the Sesame Street spirit—and the $6 popcorn—with Elmo and friends.
Next up: Getting a birthday gift at the Disney Store in Times Square. Now, Times Square will drive anyone to drink, but the Disney Store was so adorable, I thought that we’d get our very own fairy godmother appointed to us at the front door.
Maybe better than a fairy godmother, we got a photo opp with Sven from Frozen, who put in a good word for us with Elsa. Because who doesn’t like their martinis perfectly chilled?
Then I caught sight of some baby clothes. They were so tiny and cute, I promptly forgot about my sidekick. Oops! But seriously, look at this stuff….
Just when Flat Martini had resigned himself to the boring life of this Manhattan mom, I went ahead and did something exciting. In my non-kid, non-mom-blogger time, I’m an actor, and I was invited back to Law & Order: SVU. One little, frenetic scene as a reporter in an upcoming episode, so tune in later this month—and don’t blink!
I got the full treatment in wardrobe, hair and makeup, and Flat Martini didn’t recognize me for a minute, much like my son when he was a baby and I’d head out for an audition. It’s that look of: “Hmmm…you seem familiar, but you don’t have purple bags under your eyes and you’re not wearing yoga pants.”
Flat Martini felt all Hollywood as he hung out in my trailer and spied Ice-T in the distance…and was excited to see what would come next in this more adult week. Well, this was it!
Bless this mess? Hell, no. Take a blowtorch to it. Then I wouldn’t have to fold the rest of that godforsaken laundry.
The remainder of the week consisted of a few kiddie classes, three snowstorms, 900 toys and one very cooped-up 3-year-old. By the time Saturday rolled around, Flat Martini wanted to hightail it out of here. But I had a little going-away surprise for him first.
My good friend Cara Lynn Shultz, author of the awesome Spellbound and Dark World series, and I took him to an afternoon showing of Fifty Shades of Grey. Seeing ridiculous, guilty-pleasure movies that we can openly mock (and smuggle alcohol into) is kind of our thing.
So what did I think of it? Pass the martinis. Jamie Dornan (aka Christian Grey) is beyond lovely to look at in all of his shirtless, butt-baring glory, but his character has the mentality—and dialogue—of a serial killer. Seriously, what is attractive about a guy who wants to control every aspect of your life, stalk you and then beat you in a Red Room of Pain? I. Don’t. Get. It.
Still, Flat Martini apparently felt a little frisky afterward….
And he was ready to party by the time we got back uptown…where cheese, wine, beer, sippy cups and our boys were waiting for us.
I think he may have imbibed a little too much, though, because at one point, this happened.
That Flat Martini is quite the party animal. Come back anytime! But maybe offer to help with the laundry on your next visit….
