This is how we looked today morning when I was just stepping out. I had hard time controlling my tears...
I feel so bad leaving the little child and tip toeing to office while my mother in law tries to console him. He settles down in a few minutes itself is a different story. Using the word bad is not appropriate to describe my feelings at that time. I feel horrible. Actually I have tiny tears sparkling in my eyes somewhere even when I am writing this.
I feel guilty...!
Guilty of making my baby crying.
Guilty of not making his wish to hug me when he wants to come true.
Guilty of not spending more time with him.
Guilty of being a working mom!
I know most of the readers knew the last line was coming up. Such moments make me think that probably I might consider taking a break and spend time with my kids for sometime. I am working by choice. Financially, my non working status would not affect my family in any means. But does that mean I have an option to leave my job and not feel guilty any more? Would it solve the problem?
Honestly, the mere thought of not working gives me goose bumps. No offences to anyone, but everyone has his/her own basic nature and I am not the kind of girl who can be at home. I dread household chores and enjoy my own free space while I am at work.
Coming back to the mom who feels guilty, I still wonder about the solution to this. I have read numerous articles about this feeling and almost all of them try their best to make me realize that I should not and never feel this way as spending quality time is more important rather than all time and many other reasons. To be true, at the end, none of them makes sense when my child tells me he misses me or does not want me to go.
Is it because of this emotion that I try and do my bit to fill the gap? I take him to sports complex even if he says one no matter how tired I am after I return in the evening. I make sure to check his diary and never let him go to school without his homework or any other activity been written. I read him his favorite bed time stories no matter how much I do not want to read that night. The list is endless. But again, stay at home moms also do all this. I am no exception. Then what is that I can do overcome the guilty?
Well, I guess, the only answer is accept and embrace it. No matter how hard I try, I would feel the same way some point or other. Even if not working, I would feel -
Guilty of scolding him too much,
Guilty of wanting to run away from him sometimes,
Guilty of being too strict,
Guilty of being too carefree,
Guilty of letting him eat that ice-cream and catching cough,
Guilty of almost everything.
Despite of all the guilt, I get the most satisfied heart every time I see my kids smiling.
Are you also a guilty mom sometimes? share your feelings and let the guilt pass by!
Do dads also feel the same way every now and then? I am sure they do. do share your share of thoughts.
