You recall a time you had self-esteem...but it seems to be so long ago that your beliefs in yourself and your abilities have slipped away. You let a mirror, comments, or other things make you feel less than your actual worth, but self-esteem is actually how much WE like ourselves. Not the scale. The mirror. That person over there on Twitter. <<< they have no bearing on your life, yet they do have one thing. A chisel. They chip away at you daily until you forget that you actually like you.
An example for me would be when I started going to yoga years ago. I was excited about it...I bought new yoga pants and signed up for hot yoga. I remember the mirrored walls. MIRRORS were everywhere. Sweaty people, tiny clothes, and mirrors. I ermmm am not exactly smallish up top, so I find I have to basically bundle those bad boys down to try and even do yoga. But the mirror. I swear it was a fun house mirror and my boobs looked grossly out of proportion with everyone else in their awesome yoga tops...sigh. Not a soul stopped me from doing yoga in that class. They didn't point or scream Dolly Parton is up in here. But in my head they did. I lost my train of thought every time I went to yoga there. I am totally against mirrors in yoga class now. Ha...but I am not the only woman who feels this way.
What changed?
I have been through so much, that I was not going to let all that stuff get in my way ever again. In order to start building your self-esteem, you have to decide that it is your life, and each moment you delay doing what you want because of someone else, is a moment you lose to them.
Tips to build you up:
- Just like in yoga, set an intention. Before you go to bed, write a love note for yourself and put it on your bathroom mirror. YES, this is a trick that works. You get to decide how you want to start your day. When you wake up, focus on that intention. Today I will feel beautiful. Today I will get things done. Whatever it is, it's for you. No one else.
- Ask yourself, are you being true to you? If you are living according to what others want you to do, be, wear, act, etc. how are you being true to you? Act in harmony with your inner self. If you don't know what that looks like, start thinking about things you like that make you happy. Just for you.
- Change who you are around. <<< this one is necessary I know how hard this one is. Trust me, I do. But if you have friends who constantly let you down, leave you hanging, and make you feel like less of a person for any reason what so ever, it is really time for a change...especially if they won't change or can't see what they are doing to you. Negative attracts more negative...and the energy they put out there is actually harmful to you. Avoid people who complain constantly, but don't do anything to change their life. Be with those who lift you up.
- Change your eating habits. Don't eat because you are mad, sad or depressed. Eat because you are hungry. Yes, this one is hard. I know it is. But drink plenty of water, get fresh fruits and veggies, hot tea that makes you feel good, and stay away from processed foods or binge eating. It only makes you feel worse afterwards.
- Create your space with no comparisons allowed. Back to the yoga metaphor, but seriously. You can be doing "an eclectic celebration of the dance! You do Fosse, Fosse, Fosse! You do Martha Graham, Martha Graham, Martha Graham! Or Twyla, Twyla, Twyla! Or Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd, Michael Kidd! Or Madonna, Madonna, Madonna!... but you keep it all inside." Over there on your mat. Who said yoga has to be boring, stereotypical and the same? No one said me. Do not compare yourself to whatever is going on over there >>> on her mat. Unless she is actually doing the above.
- Help others feel good about themselves. Give someone a genuine compliment...and I bet there will be a ripple effect. Building someone up feels better than tearing them down...even if they have done that to you. This part might be hard...baby steps. But you can start with your friends, and then if you do encounter Negative Nancy, sorry Nancy you are actually quite sweet and never negative at all, ha, but anyway, if you do encounter someone like that, be prepared with...a compliment! Ha take that.
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