Diaries Magazine

I Don't Want to Be Mum Today

Posted on the 03 July 2017 by Mummyb @mummyb_kw
I don't want to be mum today
I don't want to be mom today.
I don't want to change  nappies.
Wipe snot off faces and yell "no" again.
I don't want to have to ask you to listen for the third time in the space of five mins.
I don't want to be mom today.
Today, I hit Mummy Burnout.
It hit me from out of know where. I thought I was nailing this shit today. I smashed through work, switched into mommy role in 2.5 seconds. Did activities with my crazy two and tidied the house.
And suddenly someone flipped a switch.
I was taken over by the "I can't do this" mindset. The sense of feeling overwhelmed in an instant. In that moment I felt I had nothing left to give. Feeling frustrated that I was getting annoyed and angry when a few mins ago I was feeling so positive and dodging toddler tantrums.
Why can't I do this? Why can I consistently be a positive parent?
Nothing frustrates me more than this. I love my two unconditionally, but my god it's so hard. They're relentless, energetic and bundles of fun but on some days, like today, I feel like I lose myself. I get so wrapped up in making sure everything is perfect, I lose all sense on what's actually important in life.
The blog can wait. Marking can wait. The cleaning can wait. But my kids?
I don't want them to have to wait for me. Because before you know it I won't be the center of their universe and I will long for the days when my kiddies need me.
Motherhood is literally the toughest gig going, especially today when you're constantly surrounded by Instagram perfect families plastered all over social media - it's hard not to start comparing yourself. Comparing ourselves to anyone else is a sure-fire way to madness. Yet, we do it constantly. The media loves our comparisons. Heck, the entire advertising industry is based on making us dissatisfied. Be it our body shape and size, our wardrobe, car or household cleansers, the whole point of advertising is to make us unhappy with who we are, what we have, how we do things, so that we’ll run right out and buy whatever product they’re claiming will magically solve whatever issue they’re trying to destroy our confidence about. So as a blogger am I ultimately a hypocrite?
I want to be positive. I want to always have the right words, the patience, the humour, the gentle, loving touch, the organised, neat, clean home and never have to yell, “Where are the toddler’s shoes? Everyone look!” - Because in reality, we all know that that's not how it all goes down. Including me.
I hope that you all think I"m pretty honest when it comes to motherhood. It's not all roses here. I want to be a positive mum, I make no apologies for this - I want to do better for my family constantly and this is what drives me.
I need to remember when to take a break, when to step back and remember what's important truly important. Remembering that the only standard you should measure yourself against is yourself with the simple goal of ‘Did I do better today than yesterday?’ That’s it.
So, what about you? Did you do better at something today than yesterday? How about tomorrow?
Compassion... for yourself. It’s a first step in the right direction.
Mummy B xoxox

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