I Love You

I am not always affirming with my children. I assume my love shows in my painstaking plucking of burnt bits off the suppers I cook them and in the hours I spend hanging round in New Look.
Maybe, though, this is not enough.
'Do you luuurve me?' asks the 10-year-old on the walk home from school.
'You know the answer to that,' I say absently.
He ponders.
'If I was a bench would you love me?'
'Eh?'
'If I was a gas pipe and you were a gutter would you love me?'
'Um…'
'If you were a washing line and I was clothes would you dry me?'
'I…'
'If I was a sign post and you were a lamp would you light me?'
'I suppose….'
'If I was a bin and you were a recycling bin would you sit with me.'
'How long can you keep this up?'
'If I was a lavatory and you were a p….'
'YES!' I interject hastily. 'I LOVE you!'