If Only

the thought of you weighs down in my stomach like a cinder block and i'd rather throw a rock at you
you, the subject of so much focus, to finally it feels like its just one big joke
jokes that made me use to LOL
LOL that ended in tears
tears that wet my face but trust they never compromise my strength
yes i'm strong really deep down inside
off to the side now like a pile of books with no place to go
the bookshelf is full
full of enlightening ideas and  organized  thoughts
thoughts that wander like purple polka dotted kangroos
kangaroos that jump in and out of my subconscience mind
like rodeo clowns on pogo sticks trying to steal
cotton candy from kids that were engrossed in them
kids who lost their focus after the marching elephants
to return their eyes to the show where acrobats swing out in the air over what looks like thread
 and through the hole of the needle that leads outside into the night
tag teaming Red Riding Hood, so now she's hopping on the tent
 into the sky up over the moon
 to grandma's house she lands in the woods saying
 "why grandma what big eyes you have",
and Grandma opens her mouth to eat her
and the fear of the girl is left in the book,
as its closed, the reader unable to continue
the emotion too much to bare
and in the end my thoughts still lie with you
so don't be upset if i throw a rock at you