We mean to call or write. We mean to keep in better touch.
But we don’t.
When I heard my niece was divorcing, I wanted to let her know that I am for her. I wanted to reassure her--as someone who has been a single parent myself--that she can get through this.
Time goes by and I haven’t written. I haven’t called.
When is it too late?
I have a large family: five brothers and sisters, eleven nieces and nephews, four stepsons, one daughter, five grandchildren. We are scattered across the country from east to west coasts. I don’t keep in touch with them all.
I write a letter once a year to send out with my holiday card. We are a family of Christians, Jews, atheists, agnostics, and spiritually undefined, so “holiday” fits everyone.
I get cards back from them, too, often with photos of their children or holiday letters listing their family’s year-end highlights. We do all try.
But throughout my life, I could have made more of an effort. I could have been more involved in their lives.
One of my students at Morehead State University in Kentucky lives in a small town with her entire family around her. She got an MA at MSU and then went to Texas for an MFA. She is very bright, an excellent writer and teacher. She could have gotten a much better job if she were willing to leave her hometown.
I envy her closeness to family.
A fantasy I used to have was for all of my brothers and sisters to live with me around a large courtyard, with each of our separate residences opening onto it. Of course, this fantasy didn’t account for the extended families that each of us has accumulated.
We come together. We separate. Our lives weave in and out of each other’s. At this time of year I think about making the weave a little tighter.
There is good will among us. We gather when we can at family reunions--sometimes on the east coast, sometimes on the west. We haven’t had one in the middle yet.
On the question of whether it’s too late, I think about the times that I have been disappointed by someone’s lack of response. If they finally, in the end, get in touch with me, I am happy to hear from them. It is never too late.
I am going to call my niece. Right now.
I did, and got her voice mail. I left a message and then tears came.
Why is it so hard for us to connect with each other?
