I read that quote somewhere and it really struck me, mostly because it's something I really should remind myself of everyday. I've written about anxiety a few times, I've also written about the affect that having bouts of, seemingly out-of-the-blue anxiety, has on my confidence. I don't like to write about negative things here on my blog, I'd much rather write about and document the things that make me happy. But then there are times, like now, where logging onto my blog and writing my feelings down just makes me feel a little better.
Write now, I'm a little overwhelmed with anxiety and it's a totally simple, completely trivial thing that set it off and that is - being in front of the camera. Which is utterly silly, right? And of course totally trivial. There are times when I turn the camera on myself and magic happens - my mouth moves and then there are times when I turn the camera on myself and disappointment happens - my mouth doesn't move -nothing comes out and I freeze. And then the frustration at myself comes and then the tears from the frustration follow, because, I honestly really do know that's it's just a very simple case of - me holding me back.
And it is trivial I know, why get so frustrated and upset about not being able to sit in front of a camera and vlog on occasion? When there are so many, actual worthwhile things to worry/care/cry/get frustrated abut in the world. But it really isn't actually about what it's about, I simply wanted to mention my lack of camera confidence for anyone else that's ever tried their own hand at vlogging and either totally not been able to or they've had days where, like me, it just won't happen for them through their own fear or lack of self confidence. This post is actually about anxiety and how it grips you, freezes you, prevents you, fills your head with negative thoughts and tells you that you're not good enough or that whatever you're trying to do is just not very 'you'. It's about realising and reminding ourselves of exactly how I started this post - that it's not who we are that holds us back, it's who we think we're not.
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