Just Stuff

Totally random things on my mind lately.
Thought 1-I feel like the blog and Facebook make it easier for people not to contact me. They don't really need to call to catch up with me, because they can plainly see online what's going on with me on any given day and I can see what's going on with them. A couple of years ago I found myself really isolated. I kind of did that to myself though and I was full of excuses- no money, too busy, work schedule, etc. I realized I didn't want to do that. The small group of people I kept close to me were important to me. Recently I feel a bit isolated again. I've been reaching out to people and not getting much of a response. I get it though. Life is busy, money's tight, other stuff takes priority and I tend to hide behind my online presences sometimes. I totally get it and that's not the point of this post. The beauty of close friendships is that time can lapse but the friendship will always be there. The point is- it's made me kind of negative towards the blog and Facebook and I kind of don't feel like blogging or Facebooking anymore because of it. But really- it's me too. I mean, it's me who has quit trying with people as well, right? I'm not a crazy social person at all. I can be super social, but I don't prefer it. I mean, truth be told- small talk gives me hives. I really don't like it. But- I have a very small group of people (I like it that way) who are crazy important to me and I want them close. I want to small talk with them, even if I hate doing it with other people, you know?
Thought 2-I have this strange point of view that I don't care if complete strangers or blogger friends (I love my blogger friends!) follow me online and I don't care if close friends and family follow me online. Doesn't weird me out in the slightest. But there's something just a little funny feeling about someone who is in between those two categories following my online presence. Well, actually it doesn't get wierd until they come up to me to say something about something I posted because then it kind of makes me jolt a little with the realization that they were 'checking me out' online. Not 'checking me out' like romantically, but looking me up, you know? When this happens it makes me think 'hmmm, now I just want to disappear from the internet completely because that was a tiny bit off-setting and awkward.' Doesn't really make sense though, does it? Because it's not like I try to hide or privatize my online presence that much and I don't post anything that I wouldn't bring up in a conversation with people. Plus, sometimes I even tell casual acquaintances where they can find me online, so when they do- why should it be strange? It really shouldn't bother me, right? I've realized it kinda does though.
These two things combined have been nagging at me lately and inadvertently causing me to step away for a bit. Of course, I've been busy finishing up spring semester of my master's degree and other jazz. But in a way, I've felt a little bit 'over it all.' That's the only way I can sum it up. So where does this leave me? Totally not sure, but whatever. I need to get these thoughts all written out so I could analyze them easier. The internet is both good and bad. But in reality, I'm actually a very private person. Something about blogging and Facebooking made it a little easier for me to come out of my hole and that was nice for awhile- but now it's just getting old. I have this strong desire to keep my hubby, our families, and our really good friends tight and keep the rest of the world at arms length if that makes sense.
This isn't a goodbye (at least I don't think) it's just a "hmmmmm."