While sitting in the cinema waiting for the new Carey Mulligan and Keira Knightley film, Never Let Me Go, to start, a woman and a young boy walked in and sat in front of us. The boy, around nine or ten years old, was visibly excited and spilled his kid-sized popcorn several times while squirming around in his seat.
I turned to Scott and whispered, “This movie isn’t going to be appropriate for that kid.”
I had read the book. I knew the ending.
With his arms crossed and looking very annoyed at the prospect of watching a Keira Knightley film, Scott said, “He is going to be bored out of his head just like the rest of us.”
A man joined them and for the next five minutes before the film started, I listened to their conversations and tried to work out who was who. The best I could do was assume the little boy, Alfie, was the brother of the woman and the woman had dragged her boyfriend along. Her phone rang and she told whoever was on the other line that, “we’ve taken Alfie to see the new Justin Bieber film.”
Hmm. Have you just lied? Is she the babysitter and has she taken the boy to watch what she wants to watch?
I saw Alfie dance a little in his chair and I knew then that this was going to be very amusing indeed.
I leaned over to Scott. “They think they are seeing the new Justin Bieber movie…you know…Never Say Never.”
Scott’s eye lit up and he smiled big. Suddenly there was something to look forward to. “This is going to be good.”
After the trailers, the film certificate for Never Let Me Go came up on the screen. No movement or reaction from the three unsuspecting viewers. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Scott chuckling to himself.
The film began with onscreen captions explaining that a medical breakthrough in 1952 has allowed the human lifespan to extend past 100 years. Carey Mulligan speaks about life and growing up in Halisham, a boarding school somewhere in England.
1. Did they think the Justin Bieber film would have anything to do with a medical breakthrough in 1952?
2. Did they suspect anything was strange about Carey Mulligan waffling on about life and death and love at a boarding school in the middle of nowhere?
Still no movement.
The next scene showed a group of English children singing hymns in a school assembly at the boarding school. The children were dressed in plain school uniforms and the year was 1960-something.
3. Did they think Justin Bieber was going to pop onto the stage at the school assembly?
Scott and I waited for some reaction. Confused, Alfie looked over at the two adults with him, but he said nothing. He ate his popcorn slowly and every few minutes, looked at the other people in the cinema. I am sure he thought to himself, why is the cinema filled with old people?
4. Did the two adults not think it was bizarre that there was not one other person under the age of 18 in the cinema?
And then his babysitter/sister leaned over to her boyfriend and I heard her say somethig about Justin Bieber. The boyfriend shrugged and shoveled more popcorn into his mouth. She looked over at Alfie, who looked more confused than ever, and then back at her boyfriend. He got out of his seat and walked out of the doors to check that they were, in fact, in the right cinema.
A few minutes later and still no sign of Justin Bieber, the boyfriend returned. He whispered something to the woman and she quickly gathered the drinks and popcorn. Alfie remained glued to the screen, searching for a glimpse of Bieber in the crowd of sullen and pale English kids, as they pulled him out of the cinema.
5. Why on earth did it take them so long to realize they were not watching the new Justin Bieber film?
I am worried for Alfie’s safety with those two morons. As Scott said after they left, they must be collectively galactically stupid.
(I kind of wish I had seen the new Justin Bieber film too.)