I can't remember what it was, but a few days ago I was looking at something that said February-March 2018 and I actually had to stop and think about where we are in the year. I didn't get that usual feeling of 'Oh that's past', it was more of 'Are we in Feb/March/April/May?' I just didn't know. That was pretty strange I have to say, but then to be fair to myself I've been a thrown a bit out over the past few months. I'm still in a weird place with my health. I mean I'm feeling SO much better than I was, it's just that the symptoms haven't completely gone and I have new symptoms that might not really fit with the H.Pylori diagnosis.
Moving on and getting over the past few months of worrying about my health hasn't been helped by a rude Doctor I spoke to on the phone last week, who was quick to tell me he didn't really know and he'd be happy to make me an appointment with another Doctor or send me for any further tests I want. When I replied that I wasn't sure which tests to go for as I don't know what my symptoms could be symptoms of, he quickly blamed my new symptoms on my anxiety despite clearly saying he didn't know what they could be. And despite saying to me the first time I met that he didn't believe my symptoms were caused by anxiety alone. And despite diagnosing me with H.Pylori a couple of weeks before. So yeah that hasn't helped and has left me feeling like I'm banging my head against a wall. I'm grateful at least that my physical symptoms aren't so severe anymore.
In a way I feel I lost a chunk of time to the uncertainty of what was going on with my health. My next step is to go and see another Doctor or just face my fears and go and get an endoscopy which the doctor is happy to refer me for.
Talking about anxiety I have been having CBT sessions which I asked for to help me get through the uncertainty of everything and also because I have suffered from anxiety for years. I guess my thinking was that if any of what I've been experiencing lately is anxiety-related than I at least had that base covered. The CBT has definitely made me think (I'm only two sessions in) but I'm yet to see if it will be able to change the way anxiety affects me.
Another thing that is throwing me off at the moment a bit is our house renovations, I think because I can't quite believe that they're happening (even though there are currently builders outside working away as I type). It just doesn't feel real yet - I'm nervous yet so excited. I'm a really visual person but I've tried to explain all our plans on my blog and filmed a little walk around house tour on my youtube channel too. so if you'd like to hear about what we're having done then do head over there to have a watch.
This month my biggest baby turned five! I can't believe that he's five, I remember his baby days so well. So it's so weird to think that my second little boy is also now growing out of babyhood too! Ethan had a lovely birthday and his party with his friends went so well too, which I was so pleased about as it was the first time we'd arranged a party with his friends from school. They had it at a leisure club and the whole thing was taken care of which meant we could just sit and watch him have fun, it was great!
It was SO good to see a bit of sunshine in April, despite the cold and gray returning a few days after. It's made me so excited for sunny days in the garden (hopefully in our newly landscaped garden in the summer!). I feel like a different person when it's warm and sunny and I just can't wait to get outdoors and soak in the sun!
Thank you for reading. Alex xo SaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSaveSave
