a.k.a stress. Haha.
Been MIA for close to 3 weeks because I’ve been so god damn busy with so many things up my sleeve. And yeah managed to korek some time for my krik krik blog. LOL.
I’m generally a happy-go-lucky person. Getting stressed up was rare in my life. So rare I can remember almost all my stressed moment.
- I was the top student in TIKL / SMTKL when I was in form 4. I was still top during form 5 mid-term test. But during the trial SPM test, I wasn’t top anymore. I wasn’t even top in my own class. Well, I did have the highest total marks in my class (which they usually use to arrange the ranking), but someone else had the same marks as me. And he had an extra A than me. So yeah because of that I got second in class. I sat on the third chair during graduation. I had quite a good start in form 4, concurring all the first-placing-in-class like nobody’s business (I had no idea how I became a smart ass in form 4 and form 5). So when I didn’t get top like I usually would, I got scared and stressed out (on the inside jer lah, outside happy Kim still. Haha). I was afraid to let down all the teachers and my parents that have high hopes on me. So internally I was emo for a couple of weeks kot. Every night listen to emo songs. But eventually I got back into my typical Kim mode lah. Haha. I even wrote myself motivational letters (since self talking doesn’t help much kot). So yeah I got over my first ever (maybe) stressed moment. And this fella ended up getting top scorer for SPM 2011 *smirk*. I wonder where that smart ass part of me went. Quite nyawa-nyawa ikan in Uni. Haha.
- Next would be the time when I was in matriculation. There was one point in my matriculation time I was having some issues (don’t know what. LOL), I was basically some emotionless fella walking around. I started off matriculation quite well I guess, I think I tried to be some sort of person with an extrovert personality. I even got an outstanding performance award during orientation. Haha. I was generally liked by everyone, pretty sure not because I’m the only Chinese in the whole town of Jengka. I was a smart and likable Chinese girl. But I guess as time passed, when I have any thoughts or complaints about my surroundings, I just didn’t know who to go to. I didn’t have any super open minded Malay friends that I trust fully to rant about stuffs. My roomies then were not the best people to live with. Hence there were tons of unsaid thoughts and complaints that flooded inside me. And gradually I started becoming an emo person. I wanted to go home every possible weekend. I hated my matriculation a lot (I still kinda hate the place now). And there was this lecturer who loves picking on me. Sometimes this lecturer goes too overboard. He was also my mentor there. I hated his attitude, the way he does things etc. He taught English. Thank God my English capability is above average. He didn’t have any chances to pick on my English. So yeah in matriculation I got really stressed up because I had no ways to express myself. So glad matriculation was only for 10 months.
Tadaa. So I guess these were the 2 moments I actually acknowledge the word stress.
So recently, I have been extremely busy with handling SCOReD 2014 booklet, proceedings etc. Basically all the responsibility under Publication department. I got pretty annoyed and stressed out doing it. The lecturers always suka hati then make changes. Sometimes change already then few days later change back to the original one. Or like on a particular page cannot one shot give all the changes. Everyday give bit by bit. Like they think making amendments very easy. So this has been going on for the pass 2 – 3 weeks and it has been such a hassle to do it. So about a couple of days ago, the booklet finally got the green light for printing. Hopefully the proceedings can be confirmed soon so that my department can start transferring them into USB.
Last week in the midst of all this, I had a direct blow from my Mineral Deposits lecturer. We had to present on a certain type of mineral. My group got Uranium. During our first and only group discussion with the lecturer, which I think went quite well, the lecturer seems impressed with our work (at that time it was half done). I did the whole of the PowerPoint presentation then later distributed them to my members. I think I did quite a good PowerPoint presentation on Uranium. But during our presentation, the lecturer just had to cari pasal with me and my members. That bugger generally picks on me all the time. Which I’m quite used to. He asked my group questions that he didn’t ask other groups. During the group presentation he said he wanted mining methods. But when my member was about to present, he said he don’t want it anymore. He jotted down all our bad sides but not our good sides. He treated my group so much different than the rest of the groups, basically finding fault in our group only.
I had such a bad day. It was like the worst day of my life. On that particular day:
- I didn’t do well for my presentation even though I spent quite some time preparing.
- I had uninformative and inefficient SCOReD meeting that afternoon.
- Urgent amendments had to be made on SCOReD booklet after it was said to be finalized and sent for printing.
- I wanted to try out for long jump but too chicken and demotivated. (unrelated. LOL)
- I had night class.
- After night class I had Career Fair meeting.
It was a day full of events that I didn’t have any moment or time to unwind. I was feeling angry and annoyed and I had this terrible feeling in me and I hated it. I just had to break down. So after I broke down I puzzled myself back together so tadaa back to usual Kim. LOL. And at the end of the day many thanks to WC for eventually making me feel much much better. Sometimes a hug is all you need for all that stress elements in us to disappear (sounds kinda odd the way I put it. Haha).
So people, if you ever feel stressed out, eat some chocolates and find someone (animals included) for a hug.
