Being a parent can be so intense. Sometimes intense in a good way and sometimes intense in a bad way. I feel like lately, with our boys being 4 and 1 and being the boys that they are and having the fun little brother bond that they have, life is often intense. There doesn't really seem to be much 'chilled' out peaceful time with them. It's full-on and always 'go, go, go'.
And I don't mean that in a bad way - sometimes that full on and always-on-the-go is in the best way possible. The way that freezes me to the spot sometimes just for a second, to force myself to take it all in - all these happy memories and moments and take a second to think about how proud I am of the boys and of Adam and of myself. And of course it's not always like that either - sometimes those tears are, 'I'm so overwhelmed' tears, sometimes it's guilt, sometimes it's frustration, sometimes it's from questioning myself.
It's true that as a parent, you can experience every single emotion possible in the space of an hour. There's no 'same days' as such, despite often same daily routines. I've found that when I wake up in the morning, it's as if I step right on to a rollercoaster for the day - it's up, it's down, it's fast and you can't just stop it for a second whenever you feel like it.
Life as a Mum can often be cleaning one room, whilst the room next door gets turned upside down by busy little children. And it can often be not being able to have a shower or go the toilet without taking your little people with you. It can be not being able to have quiet cup of tea and a rest after you've exhausted yourself working or cleaning the house from top to bottom, or doing the gardens, or getting yourself and everyone else dressed, because Mum-guilt creeps its way in when your child asks what we're actually going to be doing because they've already spent ages waiting around whilst you've been taking care of the chores.
It can be not being able to have a normal conversation with other adults until evening time when your little people are fast asleep, anything before then is always, always just half a conversation (if you're lucky). It can be not being able to leave the house without meltdowns and forgetting something despite having spent over two hours trying to just get everyone to the front door. It can also be mealtime battles over getting your child to eat just ONE chip. It can be knowing that the bathroom and yourself are going to get soaked every time bath time rolls around. And it can be not being able to sit on the sofa without having one child sit on your head and the other one slam-dunk on to your stomach repeatedly until you move.
It can be all this and so much more. But you know what? I'm really starting to see what they mean about the days being long, but the years being short. And that makes me realize that one day I know I'll be sitting on my sofa and I will want my boys to want to jump all over me, because I'll miss it when they're giving their attention to something/someone else. One day I'll miss the sofa cushions being spread all over my living room floor and the tiny toddler-sized hand prints all over my bedroom mirrors. One day I'll miss the craziness of having a toddler and a pre-schooler, I'll miss them jumping up and down on my bed and running back and forth over and over laughing their heads of. I'll miss those cheeky looks they give me when I catch them going behind the fire guard (when it's not on obviously) and the looks they give when they're caught raiding the freezer.
And I know that I've got so many more years to come of this hopefully and I know that it's all relative. But life with these boys of mine, despite the intensity, it's never dull. It's never quiet, I'm never bored. They make me laugh and cry at the same time sometimes and that's life with little's. And I love how much they fill my life with energy and fun. And how many unexpected moments we have together. I love how even when I feel like it's all too much, it's always something you can laugh about later. I love how much they've taught me about myself and my perspective. I love so much about Motherhood and that's never to say that it's easy - because sometimes that is so far from the truth, but it is wonderful and special and precious and I don't think anything has ever made me feel quite so happy.
Alex xo
