My First Blog, Ever.

I've finally decided to take the plunge and join the rest of the bloggers out there.  I don't know if there is really anything interesting enough for anyone to read about me.  I find myself rather boring and would prefer to peak into the lives of other people.  The only fun thing I have to tell you about is my running adventures, whether it's on the road or on the dreadmill and I'm making up some crazed story in my head about being chased by zombies just to give me some motivation to keep running.
Today was my very first day running outside this year.  I've just over come a series of injuries with both my feet since Oct of last year and I haven't been able to run since.  I just got clearance from the doctor a few weeks ago and I've been on the dreadmill at the gym for about 4 weeks now.  But, I've been having pain.  Hubby suggested running outside to see if the pain continued because I run in Vibram Five Fingers Bikilas or barefoot if I can.  Thank goodness the pain went away while running outside.  I guess my feet don't like running on the dreadmill.  Can't blame them for that!
But, I understand why people prefer running inside during the summer.  I decided I would get up and run at 6:30 in the morning.  It was already warm.  I had a hard time thinking of a safe place where I felt comfortable running.  I didn't want to run through town by myself and I didn't want to run down the country roads by myself either. I decided on a dirt road not far from the house that is very wide and has almost no traffic at all, especially in the early mornings.  There's just a few houses on the road.  It's mostly fields of vegetables and cows with tall trees in the back ground, boarded with old fencing.  It's very well, county.  There is a wooden bridge, a field of weeping willows and wildlife.
I walked the one mile from my house to the top of the dirt road.  I felt good and warmed up by the time I reached my running point.  As I began to run, I did the mental check list.  Breathing, check.  Pace, check. Relax hands, check.  Legs slightly bent, check.  Landing on balls of feet, check.  So forth and so on.  Its been a long time since I've ran outside so I had to make sure I wasn't going to hurt myself.....again.  Boy, did it feel GOOD!!!
My mind began to drift and I couldn't tell you what I thought about for the longest time.  Then I became aware of myself and my surroundings again.  I heard my breathe and my steps beneath me.  I felt like I was floating or flying just a few inches above the ground.  Do I dare say, it was magickal.  I had to slow down and walk, I became tired.  I wondered how far I had ran and guessed maybe half a mile.  I would drive it later and see.  I couldn't wait to see how far it was, but I wouldn't get my hopes up too high.  It wasn't much more than half a mile.
In the distance I heard a hawk cry.  I turned to look and what a sight there was to behold.  It was so breathe taking, I had to stop and take it all in.  I stood before an old creaky fence and a green field of tall grass that sparkled with morning dew.  Beyond the grass were tall trees that swayed in the morning breeze. Above the trees was a hawk.  The hawk was swooping down and circling around and it cried out.  The sound echoed throughout the fields and made something deep inside me awaken.  The hawk flew off and I watched it until I couldn't see it anymore.  It was only about 2 minutes but I felt refreshed so I continued my run.
This thing made me contemplate what I wanted to do next in my life.  I have some major decisions to make and I'm as confused about them today as I was a month ago.  Maybe even more so.  I asked the Great Mother to guide me or show me where she wants me to go because I'm her child and I'm lost.  She ever so lovingly whispered in my ear as a mother would do to encourage her child and said, "Trust your legs to carry you...."
I knew this was not the end of her message.  There was much more to come.  I just had to wait.  I know my mother, as she knows me.  I could smell the sweet scent of the morning.  I thought to myself, this is what it's really all about.  It was so peaceful, perfect.  Her words echoed in my head.  I had to trust my legs to carry me.  This had a dual meaning.  I had to trust myself to know what to do when it was time to do it and I had to trust that I could get through it.  I could bare the weight.  It would always be ok, no matter what the outcome.
But, there is always more.  I approached the wooden bridge.  Again, she whispered to me lovingly, "....over the water, or even through the water if need be...."  I could hear my feet pitter patter on the wood.  I truly felt like a little girl in her presence.  I was in awe of her patience with me and of her sweet knowledge of all things.  She still had more to tell me.  I couldn't wait.  I rounded the bend and approached the hill.  My lungs began to burn and my legs were getting tired.  I had to walk again.  I was getting disappointed in myself.  Something I do a lot.  I always feel like I have to do it all, be Superwoman.
Soon enough I began to run.  But, I was really just wanting to get to the end of the road so I could turn around and head back.  I even asked out loud, "Where is the end of this road?!?".  I was dragging my feet and my head was hanging.  I noticed I was in the shade and was thankful for at least that much because it was getting hot.  I looked up the road to see how far ahead the shade reached.  The sun blinded me.  I had to wince.  I think I saw a street sign.  I had to readjust my sight.  Yes!  It was a stop sign.  I reached the end of the road.  Wait, what? I heard her say. "Stop".  So I stopped.  She finished her wisdom with, ".....There will always be light at the end of every tunnel.  Now stop here and rest a bit, child before you continue.  I mean it!"
I began to cry, because of so many things. How foolish of me to not see these things before.  I knew this.  Could I really bare the weight of the things that lay before me, after all I've been through these past few years?  I've come so close to losing it and to losing it all.  How fragile is the balance of life?  Is it going to get easier now, at least for a while?  I was thankful as well.  The tears were of celebration, not of remorse.  As I stood there, two tractor mowers came by.  GREAT!!! So, now I have to clean up the face and pretend that I'm just wiping sweat and taking a break.  No problem, that's what I'm partially doing anyway.
Thankfully the mowers move on but now I've noticed that the field of grazing cows are now watching me like I'm crazy.  I wave my towel at them and holler, "I'm OK!! Don't worry, I have an appointment with my therapist at 5pm today".  Break over.  I did a run walk back down the dirt road and walked the one mile home as a cool down.
I did drive the dirt road later on in the day, it's 1.6 miles one way.  I'm hooked on running it!!!