Diaries Magazine

My STRUGGLE to Open Up

Posted on the 27 July 2015 by Jamie Gall @50states50wines

The older I’ve gotten, the more comfortable I’ve become in my own skin.  This also means that I’ve done some deep questioning as to why I do the things that I do, why I am the way that I am, and more.  I’ve also found my hard core passions: travel, wine, new experiences, etc.

fire-in-life

For those that know me, or have met me in person, you may know that I am actually a pretty quiet person, a person that usually sits on the outskirts listening quietly to the extraverts in the room.

And for those that know me a bit more also know, that after a good glass of wine, I tend to open up a bit more, and show a bit more of my fun side.  Even though yes, there’s still a bit of anxiety inside.

BUT, one thing, I’ve constantly realized overtime is that it’s really, really hard for me to open up.  Meaning, the small talk conversations drive me insane (I’m an introvert, true as can be introvert!) And, well, the deeper conversations, it has to be something I’m really passionate about.  Which, if you’re a person just meeting me, it may mean, I may not leave you with the best of first impressions.  I struggle with this, I do!

I’m one of those kinds of people that has experienced a TON in life, grown up a bit too fast, and gone through things, but I’m also a deep, deep introvert.  In a social situation, I often times, freeze up, and get overwhelmed in a room full of people, especially people that are complete strangers. And often times, off of vibes I receive from a room full of people, the people I’m around, etc.  For those that are super loud, I tend to shy away from (sorry, you guys tend to make me a bit nervous!)  For those that are more brutally honest, I tend to also shy away from (lets be honest, I don’t want to be the brunt of your next joke, introvert here!)

Over the years, I’ve learned how to be polite in these kind of social situations, but still, I’m that girl in the corner that stands socially awkward, hoping someone will come up to me first.  And this, this I owe to the extraverts in the room, the ones that step up to the plate to introduce themselves, and get me talking to find a place where I’m more comfortable.

But, over the years I’ve realized that I make it hard on myself.  By not opening myself up more, I may turn people off or away, or give people the wrong impression of me.  I hate this thought, and I hate knowing this.

So, this is where I come to you…. how, in your every day lives, do you become more open?



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