Oh for f*** Sake!

DON'T PANIC!
I'm not blaspheming!
By "f***"
I mean "fake".
I'm having a bit of trouble.
I'm white. Very white. Pale some would say.
There has not been a lot of sun of late. Therefore, my usual descent into an off-white shade during the Spring months has been delayed.
Usually, I am not one for faking.
At anything.
But I'm going to a wedding. Bridesmaid. Maid of Honour. Eeek.
Lots of photos, flashes, etc.
Ergo, there will inevitably be documentation of how pasty I am at the moment.
I'd like for this not to happen.
In the past, I must admit, I have been seduced by the tanning bed. "WHAT?!?!" I hear you cry, "How could you be so STUPID?!"
Well, simple really. It's cheap, easy and it will never look unnatural because I will only ever tan so much.
Which is more than I can say for a spray tan.
I have had one of these before. It didn't exactly go well.
I won't go into too much detail, however I can tell you that my nickname for the subsequent week or so was "Tangeriiiiiiiine Dream!"
Enough to put you off for a while, right?
However, if I'm honest, I'm 25 (!) and getting to the age where I am starting to notice my skin drying out a bit, so I'd rather avoid the UV rays if possible.
Aren't I grown up?
Hmmmm... I hate to ask but, is there anyone out there that knows of a good fake tan? Or even better, somewhere where a nice lady can spray it on for me? I'm not very dexterous...
I'd rather not/definitely don't want to look orange. Or fake.
More like... the Dulux shade "Antique Rose".
You know, right? Like I've been on holiday.
Darker than my usual, paler than sunburn. Job done.
Any input will be greatly appreciated... except for fruit-related nicknames...