On the Crossroads... Watch This Space

Here I am again. The morning is lovely and cold – I’ve been writing and surfing the web for almost an hour and I’m still finding it quite nice and comfortable to be all wrapped up in my winter woolies in my nice, dark little room. I think Autumn is my favorite time of year. It’s just getting nice and cool, and in this part of the world, the lovely clear sky has a special sort of beauty. I think it’s actually the only time of year when I like clear skies and nice weather, as opposed to rain and wind and otherwise general meteorological misery. Last night was a full moon, and I spent the night absorbing the narrative of Supernatural and drinking far too much tea with my roommate whilst we bounced ideas for a creative collaboration we’re working on together around. All in all, it’s all quiet, but it’s a nice sort of quiet that has lent itself to a general feeling of wellbeing. I am moving forward, and in a good frame of mind, and I’m glad that I can be.
First things first – I’ve almost finished the business admin course that I started about a month ago, which I’m hoping will increase my employability a bit more. I feel like I’ve really done something constructive and I’m glad I decided to do it. Even though the slower students in the class have held me back because the teacher has had to deal with them whilst I languish playing solitaire for hours at a time, the vibe in the classes is good and I think that the relaxed pace has helped me get back into the swing of having a proper routine.
I’ve also been offered a commission only job asking for charity donations from businesses. That’s probably the biggest bit of news that has happened to me lately, and the most interesting (I’m not under any illusions that any of this is particularly interesting to anyone besides myself, but it helps to create the illusion). At the moment I’ve tentatively accepted the offer, but I’m going to be very careful about how I go about getting into the business. I’m going to give it my best shot, and put aside any misgivings I have at the start, but I’m not going to get sucked in and retain a sense of reality about what I do and how much income I get when I’m there. I’ve read too much about people who end up going overboard and working for weeks straight for fuck all money to become one of them. I still feel like my passion is in the written word, and that passion is still growing and crystallizing, so basically if I don’t earn enough to make it worth it, then I’m out. It’s a big chance that I’m taking, but at the end of the day I can always walk away if I have to. Some would say that that’s a negative attitude and that I ‘need to put in 100 percent’, but I would say that I will be and just having an open mind. If it doesn’t work, it’s not for me. Simple. I’d be lying if I said that the lack of an hourly wage didn't worry me a bit. At any rate, it’ll be an experience I plan to enjoy.
I am also working up to having a small battery of writing polished and up to scratch to send out to some close friends who read and hopefully will be able to give me some positive feedback regarding it. It’s exciting to think that I’ll finally be able to get something out there, though at the same time it’s bittersweet because it’s taken far, far too long to get it off the ground and get my head into the right place for it. I guess, I did and still do have a lot of damage to undo on a lot of levels, which I’ve made good headway in, so that probably took up most of my time. I feel that this is probably the most important thing I’m doing right now, and it will probably be years before I’m able to say that the job is done. For the time being though I’m glad with the progress I’m making, and I’m learning to deal with a lot of the circumstances that led me here, and the regrets I have. There are quite a few. I think that my writing has become a good way to deal with those areas I’m less than happy with, and also a way of identifying those same problems. I really can’t say enough how much putting pen to paper and finger to keyboard has helped me in what’s been a long and difficult part of my life.
That’s about all that’s happened lately. There’s a good chance that next time I write I’ll either have completed my business course and will be checking out how it can help me with this financial deficit, or I’ll be pounding the pavement for this charity gig. Either way I’m sure I’ll have more to say at a later date.
Peace.