NOTE:If you do not know what Rakhi actually is, you can find it in one of my previous posts here or on the Madh-Mama Blog. I think she did a good job on her post on Rakhi. Also, if you are one of those people who cannot take any criticism of the west, sorry but this post is not for you.
Rakhi was this week, and I missed my brother like crazy. I want to write about brother and sister relationships, and its importance in Indian society. I wanted to write this post because I came across a post on Rakhi on one of the blogs I read. I was really hurt. I want to keep the name of the blog anonymous because it is not my intention to portray any blog negatively. I understand that the author has a right to opinion, so I did not even make a controversial comment on the post. I believe “if you do not have anything nice to say, do not say anything at all.” I also request that my readers, if you happen to read the blog I am talking about, please help me preserve the anonymity of the blog and the author. Please do not make a comment with the author or blog name. That said, because this is my blog, I think I have freedom to express how I feel. I will try not to be rude.
The reason this post made me sad is because it equates Rakhi to India being patriarchal society. The author goes on to say that Rakhi is a symbol of women being submissive and needing protection. The most painful thought of all is Rakhi gives a brother control over his sister. The author thinks it is insulting. That thought I agree with because if you look at it as a brother controlling his sister it is definitely insulting. Thank God it is not true, and our brothers are not controlling. If anything, they are very loving. The author also thinks that the bling on the Rakhi is a way to embarrass the brother. I am sorry to break the bubble of the author, but Indian brothers do not consider blinged Rakhi’s embarrassing. They see them as a symbol of their sisters love and affection. Some of them are even happy to have their entire forearm filled with Rakhi’s. My brother and his friends used to compete with each other “who gets most Rakhi’s?” What amazes me most is the height of hypocrisy because after saying all this, the author pushes all the objections aside and celebrates Rakhi. I guess to the author it is just a thread or another experience to have. Rakhi is not about a thread. It is about the bond between brother and sister. It is easier to bond with your same sex sibling than the opposite sex sibling. Two brothers or two sisters would not tie Rakhi. Therefore, having a brother-sister relationship is special.
That post made me realize maybe it is true that some western people will never understand Indian culture. I say some because I know a few westerners who have a good understanding and respect for Indian culture. Then again, I am not sure if this understanding is superficial or deep. I have decided to give them the benefit of doubt and not generalize because generalizations can be inaccurate and hurtful.
Rakhi is not only a symbol of a brother protecting his sister, but it’s also a symbol of a sister’s love and prayers for her brother’s well- being. Rakhi is also important because, in olden days when there were no communication devices, Rakhi was an occasion when a brother visited his sister, who now lives at her husband’s house. The brother becomes a proxy parent for a girl if their parents are old or dead. He has the responsibility to take care of her needs all his life. Believe me when I say this, no brother ever thinks of this responsibility as a burden. I do not think that this is the brother controlling his sister. They cherish having a sister as much as we cherish having a brother. Yes, it is true that some brothers are over protective, but that is just nature’s way. Men are always protective of their female relatives. The psyche of men is quite different from women.
Indian culture sees brother and sister relationship as one of the sweetest of all. This is how sisters are treated in India (and no it is not an exaggeration of Indian movies):
We love our brothers, and they love us. The relationship I share with my brother is unique. We play, fight, laugh, and cry together. We stand as one against my parents. If one of us wants something from our parents, the other takes their case to them. I cannot imagine what I would have done without my brother. My brother is 5 years younger than me. He came to USA 2 years after me, but because he is an engineer, he was able to get a job sooner than me. He has been supporting me financially since then. He is not doing this because it is his duty or he is being controlling. He is doing this because he loves me and cannot see me suffer. As I said before, he is younger than me, it makes me sad to be dependent on him. I am the one who should be supporting him so, I am very blessed to have him. I am lucky to have been born in a culture where I have family support. I am happy I do not have to deal with all the problems by myself.
We see and read news about that female feticide and ill treatment of the girl child in India. What the media does not tell you are the stories where the daughter(s) of the family are treated as a princess.
I personally am treated like a princess by my parents and brother. Does that mean I get what ever I want? No. Does that mean I can get away not doing the stuff I should do? No. My mother has two explanations for these two questions. For the first she saysit is not right to give candy to a child when ever she asks for it. For the second she says we cannot allow the child not get a vaccine (a shot/injection) just because she is going to cry. Therefore, her analysis is she is loves me so much that she does not give me a lot of candy and gets me vaccinated. I agree privately, but never openly before her.
It is just sad how we find fault with the practice of female feticide and Rakhi at the same time. If you kill the female child it is wrong, and also if you are protective of her that is also wrong.The day a girl is born, she becomes the life of not only her parents but also her brother(s). My mom told me several times that since the day I was born her goal was to save enough money for my grand wedding. That is one reason why it is so difficult for her to accept my relationship with “D”. (I do not want to listen to the feminist crap about why my mother is planning for my wedding and not my career. I am not going to listen to anyone who finds faults with mothers’ love.) Media concentrates on the news that can be sensationalized. Just like the media portrays “westerners= divorce” is not 100% right, this is also not right. If there are “X” number of female feticides, there 10,000 times more parents that are happy they had a baby girl. No, we are not being crushed in India by patriarchal society. No, we are not being stripped of our rights. We just live in a society with different cultural norms. I am posting some videos for your entertainment [sarcasm]as always:
I hope you are out of your shock by now. By the way, there are more videos (a total of 8 sting operations in different cities of USA) where these came from, just for your entertainment purposes, [still being sarcastic]. If you want to watch more, you can find it on their website here. Arizona, is one of the four states in USA that has strict laws against Gendercide. Two of the eight sting operations are from Phoenix and Tuscan, two big cities of Arizona state. So, much for Americans being law abiding citizens. Yes, those are videos of a gendercide sting operation in America and not in India. More importantly not small town America.What amazes me the most is these sting operations expose the practices of Planned Parenthood. Yep, the same Planned Parenthood that is funded by the United States government, the most powerful and uncorrupt (at least on book,) government in the world. Now that is called a SCANDAL. Indian government at least condemns these practices. The incidences in India are because of individual beliefs and illiteracy. Is that the case in America? If this is happening in America, do you think there is any country on our planet that is without this sin? Then why go on and on about Indian patriarchal society as a basis for gendercide? I know some might say it is more rampant in India. I have a question for you. Is one murder less of a sin than two murders? The 6th Commandment (in the Bible) says “Thou shall not kill”. It does not say “Thou shall not kill more than X number of people”. If you are Atheist then this is for you : It does not matter if its one or ten murders, a crime is a crime, and that is punishable by law. Just to clarify, I am not trying to justify or condone female feticide in India by saying it happens everywhere. My only point is it is not fair to blame Indian culture for everything and anything.
-find Rakhi sting part-2 here. Please do feel free to comment down below and share your thoughts. I also appreciate any criticism you have.
You might also be interested in:
Every coin has a flip side- Part 1 find it here
Every coin has a flip side- Part 2 find it here
Every coin has a flip side- Part 3 find it here
Athidhi Devobhava find it here
67 years of Independence find it here
-R
