Could I have ever imagined sitting on my sofa a year ago looking at my tiny baby would be possible? The biggest surprise of the season could have very well been our only surprise of the year and we would have been plenty amazed.
There were about a million plus reasons I was excited to have a baby and a few reasons I was a little scared. I was used to having Markus' full attention at home and enjoyed it. I do not do well on little sleep, even just a little bit less than usual. I take my time warming up to new people, ideas and chapters in life - that's life in the sign of Cancer. These all seemed to present themselves in conflict with changing the dynamic of our house as significantly as a new baby does.
At the end of the year, I realize I was right about all of those challenges. They were the tough parts, and sometimes tougher than I would have expected. The aforementioned million good parts were also there and made the tough parts manageable.
A good life is good, but it doesn't much test you or make you stronger. Bad can do that, as I have the experience to know. I learned this year a shit ton of awesome will also do that. On top of new miraculous baby life rearranging we also were hugely fortunate to both get new jobs that we feel are very exciting and forward moving for us. The type you want to dig into and move your life around a little for...once you figure out what your new life looks like.
2014, you were insanely awesome. You were too awesome to be true. Things I've worked for over the span of years, if not in some ways my whole life, came together in ways I could only imagine in my prayers. I've never felt so close to Markus, my family, my community and my own spiritual life.
I learned this year the tests you have when the times are bad can present themselves when the times are overwhelmingly awesome. I had moments where I questioned how to get through the day in one piece, how to keep myself centered in huge waves of change which, as confessed earlier, are not naturally my thing. I found myself taking the snowballing momentum of amazing and instead of piling the glitter on top of it, seeing how I could reign it in instead.
The bad before and the amazing of this year has really taught me to appreciate the good. A season of knowing what to expect and being appreciative of it is something I think I will find a new happiness in. 2014, you were amazing. I'll never forget you and you've made me ready for a good stretch of good this year. If the most exciting parts of the day are often daycare art, what's for dinner and an inside joke, I am going to be happy. Contentment is the resolution I hope to keep beyond just the start of 2015.
