“Love must be learned and learned again; There is no end.”
― Katherine Anne Porter
This quote from Katherine Anne Porter could have been my anthem this week.
I vacillated between confused and discouraged and faithful and encouraging and laying the compliments so thick they had to be cut with a machete.
I wasn’t so sure if my love and I would survive it.
At one point I sent a text that included one of the quotes I firmly believe in: “Sometimes love is not enough.”
Relationships, even the most loving among us, may not survive not because of the love factor, but because something else happens or doesn’t happen that causes the end to come before, perhaps, either party really wants it to come.
I have re-learned how to love this week.
I have re-learned how to be patient, kind and willing to wait out the storm.
Yesterday I did a free writing session and used several words from George Eliot’s Silas Marner as my beginning point.
This is what the end of a curtain rod feels like in the moment before and after it gets pushed into place. Then, the moment it is held there, above a window, without choice. It is bound to its duty of keeping the curtains aloft without complaint, without needing to be seen.
The wind quietly whispered across my nose and cheeks. I sipped it in, slowly. I closed my eyes to feel it, completely.
I can see his backside, swathed in baggy jeans, so baggy only a hint of his frame is visible.
This is love, holding itself back, being willing to be invisible, not knowing how to break free from its hold. My breast bone feels the end of the rubber stopper (or bumper or boot) pushing against the distance.
Must I feel this?
How may I feel comfortable with this discomfort?
I stopped asking questions though the curiosity continues to dance, quite formally and stiff, alone the curtain rod.
Simply writing what I felt into what I believe was wanting to be a piece of some future fiction helped me to feel much better, much less isolated.
With that, I was able to get loose from the strangle hold of the curtain rod. I was able to come back to the ground and be with whatever is, was and will be.
I am continuing to learn about love, as Katherine Anne Porter suggests.
It is a spiritual practice, a sacred adventure, and a dynamic way to live.
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© 2012 by Julie Jordan Scott
Julie Jordan Scott has been a Life & Creativity Coach, Writer, Facilitator and Teleclass Leader since 1999. She is also an award winning Actor, Director, Artist and Mother Extraordinaire. She was twice the StoryTelling Slam champion in Bakersfield. She leads Writing Camp with JJS & this Summer will be traveling throughout the US to bring this unique, fun filled creative experience to the people wherever she finds the passion & the interest.
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