With everything beautiful that is happening and about to happen I can't help but think of my dad. He's always on my mind but now more than ever. I'm flooded with feelings, memories, and disappointments. It's like my emotions are on steroids right now. To give you an example of how ridiculous I've been these days: I cried during the movie Ted when I thought the douchey, misogynist, stoner teddy bear was going to "die". Seriously? What is that?
I remember when he passed away in 2004, I was back home alone in my apartment in LA and realized that he wasn't going to be present for my future wedding, as well as other life milestones.
I have never been, and believe it or not, still am not this big wedding enthusiast. While it is a momentous occasion in one's life, I do think there are greater achievements than getting married. But for some reason thinking of my dad not being with me on this day when I was 23 released an emotional reservoir. I felt somewhat safe after many failed relationships, figuring I'd remain single forever (I know, how dramatic) and wouldn't have to deal with this hurt, this reminder. But now it's here and it's just sad. I want so much to just talk to him about everything...but I can't. To let out some of these emotions I went to the park and appreciated the beauty that I have at my fingertips. Paris has been tough with me, as well as some aspects of life, but nothing that these shoulders can't handle. "I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what has happened to me, but it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world."
The final installment of my "enterrement de la vie de jeune fille"
My dad and I went to Central Park every Saturday to ride the carousel.
