Spiraling Down

I don't know how I go from blogging 3 times last week to absolutely NOTHING this week. I have emotionally been all over the place since the beginning of the year. I am just struggling with motivation and direction. I know the biggest reason that I haven't accomplished much is that I haven't set an real goals. I set goals, but they don't have any deadlines. They are more like dreams. I just say I want to do this then no follow through or action. I don't have any one to blame but myself.

I don't know why I am feeling so blah. I feel like I am in an angry place without ripping everyones head off. I hold a lot of the angry or annoyance in my mind. I haven't really released it which I know is equally bad but I'm sick of being judged.

I honestly don't feel like I have anyone that I can vent to that won't try to fix it or judge me. I just feel so alone with things right now. I try to do my gratitude journal and replay the day and look for little bright spots, but all I can remember are the crappy parts of each day.

I should have blogged yesterday to continue with my being grateful or having gratitude. The prompt was suppose to be about my family. My family has a whole is pretty encouraging and would do anything for me. I really do believe that, but I wish our relationship was better. There are family members that I don't even talk to. There are people that I don't trust completely. There are even things that have happened in my life that they don't even know about, and I'm not sure if I will even tell them. I know that it is my insecurity and not theirs, but truthfully I really don't believe that. Past experiences have led me to feeling this way.

The same goes with my bible study. I want to read the bible in a year. I want to have a deep and meaningful relationship with God and Jesus, but I am just reading it. I'm not really connecting with the words I am reading. I read post after post from some of my favorite faith based bloggers and yearn for their perfect life and relationship.

I never feel like I add up to anything. I just feel like I am spinning my wheels and going no where.

Spiraling Down

Diaries Magazine

About the author

Author's Latest Articles

Magazines

COMMUNITY DIARIES