But only for this time will I venture out into unchartered territory to state the truth about the biggest lie ever told about women:
Stepmother’s are evil.
I am not saying this because I am a stepmother and recognize that, heck, I’m a pretty awesome person, and have done more for my stepkids than most parents have done for their biological kids. I say this simply because I keep hearing this over and over from random people including my hubby’s friends and family: “Stepmothers shouldn’t be involved in raising their stepkids.”
Really? Wow.
While I blankly stare at individuals I once respected, their words transform them into ignorant trolls by the second. Deep inside I want to say, “Thank you for your input. Would you mind if I now closed my purse and not allow a single dollar to go towards raising kids – adult kids kids in my case – that I, according to you, shouldn’t say anything about?”
Hmmm...so my money is good. But my time is no longer valuable, and I am to put myself last every second of the day if I am to, according to these trolls, be with a single dad.
Eh. No.
Allow me to explain:
People, I feel, regardless of whether they are married or single, straight or gay, men or women, are inherently good people. Sure, there’s some pretty rotten apples in the bunch, but overall, most people are good people….especially women who volunteer to raise children that aren’t theirs. Special kudos to single and childless woman: Give her some credit. Actually, kiss her feet and raise her on a pedestal, because being a step mom is the single-most thankless job out there.
There, I said it.
Ladies, I don’t care how much you love your significant other…unless those children came a poppin down your uterus, they are not biologically yours. Trust me when I tell you this, stepkids will remind you many times over that are you simply a stepmother, or the lowest pseudo compliment of them all, “the dads wife.”
You, according to the kids, your significant others family, and sometimes your significant other, will remind you that “you knew what you were getting into…you are with a man that has children.”
No shit Sherlock.
Ya’ think that single and childless women venture out to the dating pool with the intention of meeting men with children? Nope. We don’t.
If I can have a little liberty in assuming this about single and childless women that end up with a single dad, I will say this much: We love him, in spite of him having a prior failed marriage and children. Yep, in spite of.
Men, don’t fall into that trap of women with googly eyes telling you that the reason they love you is because you are a dad. Unless that woman has some major daddy issues, she’s lying…simply to make you feel better for having the biggest and heaviest set of baggage any man can have: offspring.
So for those men, or women, that are hoping their new partner is out there looking for someone that has a litter of kids, let me be so blunt as to utter the truth that no one else has said: No, we are not.
Sure, kids came with the package that we love, adore to some degree, and in spite of their brattiness (in my case it's extreme), we overlooked your offspring to simply see you as the man you are.
Yep – we dated and married a man. Not a daddy.
That role, please reserve it with your time with your kids. That, trust me, we are very well aware they will not go anywhere.
As much as media and some crazy folks out there want you to believe, we don’t want your kids to disappear.
Really, we don’t.
Otherwise, we wouldn’t invest – yes, we, as in Stepmothers – also invest in the raising of the kids that come with the package of marrying a single dad.
The obvious question is this: If you loved a woman so much as to ask you to marry you, why don't you think she would have the best intentions in mind for you...and ultimately your now blended family?
Like I tell my hubby time, and time again, "of course I want the best for your children...why wouldn't I? They are now part of my family too."
So please, the next time someone reminds you that a stepmother can’t have an opinion about their stepkids, unless that child, or children, have nothing, as in absolutely zero, involvement in the marriage or relationship, the stepmother can, and should, contribute more to a step-kids life besides money and time taken away from your relationship.
Lest us all not forget, just like a man started a relationship with a former life with a fresh slate, he should also attempt to start anew with his new spouse…unless, of course, he wants end this relationship before it starts.
Yours with step motherly love,
