A couple months ago, I posted about how I feel disconnected with my life. I felt that it was dampening my spirits and causing me a lot of grief, but then I read an article in Poets & Writers magazine about disconnecting from internet from their January issue and realized that the biggest reason why I feel so stuck and unhappy with my ability (or inability) to attain my goals is because I spend too much time on the internet. Not that the internet isn’t fun and good source of information, and has gained me valuable friendships through blogging, but lately I’ve felt the need to take a step back and reevaluate my life. Maybe it’s because I’m a new graduate, maybe I’m finally getting tired enough of my procrastination to want to fix whatever’s been holding me back. I don’t know. But the thing the internet keeps me from the most are my true passions: reading and writing.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about fasting, and while I do want to cut something out of my life completely for a set amount of time, right now I’ve just been trying to pull back a little from everything that I feel hinders me in some way or other: the internet, soda, candy. I just have this need to feel cleaner, lighter. So, I’ve been trying to drink more water. Basically, what I’m trying to cut out are unnecessary things like bad food and dawdling on the internet. If I’m going to be on the internet, I don’t want to mindlessly waste time and all of a sudden it’s 11:30 and I should’ve been in bed an hour before. I want to administer a level of self-control and self-discipline that I’ve always struggled with. As long as we fall into our temptations we’re slaves to our flesh, slaves to Satan, and that is not the kind of human being I want to be.
Part of the reason why I don’t update my blog anymore than I do is because I feel like I have nothing of value to offer, and I realize that I feel that way because my perspective has changed, and not in a good way. I’ve let my imagination flat-line, and that has been a personal disappointment I’ve had to deal with everyday. So, it’s not that I haven’t been here because I’m trying to avoid my readers and friends, it’s just that I’ve been trying to recollect myself. Graduation did its own kind of unraveling to me. It scared me, it tore me down, and it’s slowly starting to build me back up.
