This thing happened around 5 years ago, back when I was a teenager. PinoyCanadianFriend, GeekyFriend and I were eating our lunch in a local restaurant. PinoyCanadianFriend is obviously a Filipino who migrated to Canada and just went to visit the Philippines for a few months. We got acquainted because he and GeekyFriend are friends and GeekyFriend and I are close friends. We also have another friend, whom I’ll call CoolGothicChic. CoolGothicChic is a really cool girl who is very very good with music and prefers to wear black clothes. CoolGothicChic happened to be very pretty too and a close friend of ours.
So GeekyFriend and I were talking and PinoyCanadianFriend was just listening.
Me: I saw CoolGothicChic this morning. She’s wearing all black again. I wonder what she’s up to.
GeekyFriend: Wearing all black again? She’s so weird. She’s probably busy doing her project.
Me: I don’t know. I’m worried. I wonder how her dad is doing.
I thought about CoolGothicChic again and smiled.
Me: She’s so weird indeed. I wish she’d wear more colors. I talked to her a bit and she told me her mom made her wear color clothes before she went out of the house but she changed to her usual black outfit when she got to school.
GeekyFriend: Hahaha! How weird is that?
At this point, we’ve obviously used the word “weird” over and over again. PinoyCanadianFriend had enough and said:
“You know what guys, CoolGothicChic is NOT weird. You should be ashamed of yourselves for talking behind her back.”
And then it dawned to GeekyFriend and I that PinoyCanadianFriend thought we didn’t like CoolGothicChic.
We tried to clear things up to him and made him understand that we actually think of CoolGothicChic as a very cool person. We think that her weirdness makes her very unique and that in a city (Iligan, 2007) where people still lack the creativity to express their individuality, CoolGothicChic is a rare gem.
End of story.
I’m not quite sure what conjured this memory but it certainly made me think about a thing or two. You know how it is when you’re sooo familiar and comfortable with somebody that you can almost say all sorts of things to that person. You don’t have to rain her with compliments and nice words nor do you have to worry that she’ll think ill of you if you point out a flaw to her. Then when we talk about that person to other people, we tend to talk about their peculiarities too, simply because for us those peculiar traits are what makes them fascinating. And aren't we all fond of talking about fascinating stuff, the same way we like talking about an entertaining movie we watched, or a heavenly dessert that we just had?
Although we do it with a clean conscience, I bet people who overhear us would think that we're actually back-stabbling our friend. Worse, if our friend overhears us, she'd think that we're back-stabbing her. This CAN get complicated.
I've thought of simple ways to deal with these and resolved on keeping them in mind if ever I find myself in a situation tangled with this dilemma.
1) If you are the talkerDon't be over-familiar and tactless whenever you talk about somebody. It is still important to keep a careful tongue. After all, didn't the wise book advised us to "not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen"? When we talk, we should always bear in mind the person we are talking about, and also the person who is listening.
2) If you are the listener who chanced upon overhearing a friend talk about your peculiaritiesSummon your sense of humor. If you can't, then don't listen to the words being said. Rather, listen for the intention. And if you still can't get over the episode, then talk to your friend about it, but do so with a forgiving heart that seeks harmony.
These simple rules can spare you from a lot of trouble, believe me. I cannot emphasize enough how powerful words can be and because we are intelligent beings, we are given the privilege to wield this double-edged weapon. And because we are intelligent beings, we should be wise enough to use it right.
Yes, and did you notice her petals? What a peculiar color.image from hereThat's all! Thanks for reading my blog!
P.S.GeekyFriend, in case you're reading this, you know that I call you geeky because I think you're cool. :)
