The Case of the Horrible Valentines Gifts

To me, Valentines Day is the easiest gift-giving day in the world. Chocolates, candy, flowers, or jewelry (if you want to splurge) - not too difficult, right?
Chocolates aren't a big deal to me, I like the occasional dark chocolate Kiss but chocolate with filling can be disgusting. The little heart candies used to be addicting, but then Necco changed the formula and they now taste like shit designed to give you diabetes instead of teeth breaking chalk (I loved that chalk!). So, candy is out. Jewelry is a no because my birthday is a month after and I'd rather get one big present.
Flowers, that's it. If that's the simple answer, why does M screw it up EVERY SINGLE YEAR?
Lets dial it back to 2010. This was our first Valentines day together after a month of dating. It was my first Valentines Day in a relationship since high school four years before. I wasn't expecting much after only 48 days of seeing each other, but a couple of flowers is the same currency as three beers in college. Affordable.
He got me three boxes of diabetes-laced heart candy that were so hard and stale I couldn't chew it. I think they were expired.
Next up ... 2011. M had broken up with me on February 6th for 48 hours. I had been devastated and heartbroken. I was expecting reconciling gifts of gold. He came to see me on Valentines day weekend after we got back together and gave me..... NOTHING. Absolutely NOTHING. Not even a box of expired heart candy.
And then there was last year, 2012. We fought a week and a half before Valentines day over something petty like putting the toilet seat down. So petty in fact, I woke up the next day and forgot all about it until I received an Edible Arrangement at work with the note "I'm sorry about our fight." My face turned red to the roots of my hair. I was livid. Everyone who came by my desk asked what the fruit was for - oh a stupid fight that I can't remember anything about!
Since 2011 had been a nightmare, I expected at least flowers in 2012, but on Valentines day while everyone else around me was receiving their V-day loot I got... NOTHING AGAIN!!!! When I asked him why, he said because he'd spent so much on the Edible Arrangement. The one that you sent for no stupid reason ten days before?!?
This could be an ingenious way of making me never want a gift from him. Or it's because he's actually the worst gift giver imaginable. Top worst gift was Christmas 2011: bracelet with "Happy birthday" on it. My birthday's in MARCH.
I'm getting him a massage gift certificate to a spa because hunching from studying is hurting his back. He's never gotten a professional massage before - it's about time he's pampered! I, on the other hand, don't expect anything. As long as there is enough milk for my breakfast cereal, I'll feel romanced. God, that sounds sad and defeated, doesn't it?