Has been reined in…
I have kicked and screamed and fought it all the way, it has always been against my will.
But for some reason, this house and I are meant to be together. For now, for the foreseeable future.
I posted the other day about a leak in my roof. Well this morning it looked like the news was bright. Well it was only bright til about 4 this afternoon.
When we looked at the roof this morning, my contractor Wayne thought he had found the problem. Looking around quickly, he thought the roof looked ok, not in too bad of shape.
He was coming back this afternoon to fix the leak with a bit of tar. No brainer right?
Wrong.
Because it’s me, and it’s this house, and with the pair of us, nothing is ever as easy or as obvious as it should be. It’s complicated.
We are kind of kindred souls like that.
It was insanely windy here today, like probably with some gusts up to about 80 kms an hour, that was ok, it wasn’t raining. The wind stopped at about 2. There was about an hour of peace and quiet, and then it started to rain. I don’t mean a little bit of rain, I mean absolute torrential downpour. At about 3 I started to panic. Just ask Dylan. I only called him about 10 different times. To check on everything.
When I called and he said that the water was indeed running down the wall of my house, I put in a panic call to my contractor. He called me back right away and said they were on the way to the house and would be able to patch it even in the rain.
Sweet…right?
I got home just after 5, the boys were on my roof. He told me I needed to come up on the roof. Gah….
So up I went, apparently this whole thing is making me conquer my fear of heights, I might even be able to clean my own chimney after this, I am not even kidding.
So they show me what we are up against.
We are up against one more thing that was done to this house as cheaply as possible with absolutely no easy fix. The valley that is leaking is barely even joined and the tile is absolutely crumbling in their hands as they try to work with it.
My options are:
1. They mickey mouse it and hope it holds, it could work for 2 days or a year, there is no guarantee, and it is totally band-aiding the real problem. Not good enough for me at this point.
2. They do the side of the roof with the valley. The roof won’t match because the shingle that is on there, they no longer sell, and it is going to cost me about $1000 to just do that side, because of the valleys and the fact that the capping all has to come off no matter how much of the roof they do. While we are talking about this, he takes me to the side of the roof that is over our bedrooms, there is a split in the shingles all the way along the roof, possibly from the wood moving, an earthquake, the house settling…who knows. But there is a split in the shingles. No shit.
3. A whole new roof.
I chose option 3.
I didn’t really have a choice if you look at the big picture. I just want to say right now, there is no chance in hell that I could do this without the help of my parents. I am seriously the luckiest girl alive to have them on my side. They are once again saving my life. For the 4 millionth time. Thank you Mom and Dad…my words will never even touch how much I love you and how grateful I am for every single tiny little thing you do for me and my boys.
The last few weeks have been 100 % life changing for me, nothing in my life is the same as it was a month ago. Many of those things are sad, and I apologize for the hurt I have caused. I hope that eventually why I did what I have had to do, will be understood…
That maybe even I will understand why I feel the way I do.
I am taking my house off of the market as of tomorrow. I will be better off in the end just staying here. The major things are fixed, and it seems to be where I am supposed to be, good or bad. So I give. I will stay. I do love this house, it is totally me, and like I said earlier we seem to be meant to be.
I think I get it now, finally, what the lesson is in staying here.
I need to be home.
This is my home.
I need to finally settle in, and not be looking for the next thing around the corner. I need to be grateful and happy where I am right this minute.
If there are problems I need to fix them, without fear and with the resources that are available to me at that time.
The Universe always provides what we need when we need it, whether you think that is true or not, I have found for me, it is.
I need to love myself more, to trust my own instincts, and to live my life to the maximum of my capacity.
I need to appreciate the people around me, to honor them, to cherish the friendships I have and the love I am given daily. Even more than I already do.
I need to forgive myself for things I can’t change and never had any control over, and move on from them…
Who thought a little tiny leak in your roof could change your whole life in a heartbeat?
I never would have imagined the difference in how I feel right now, this minute…compared to just this morning.
I am home.
In my house, in my heart.
That is pretty huge for me. My gypsy is content. For maybe the first time in my life, there is no way I can ever make anyone understand how incredible that is for me. I just had to say it out loud. To make it real.
So here is to a new chapter, one that has been patiently sitting here, just waiting for me to see that what I needed has really been here all along.
Happy Saturday my loves…
