These days, our lives seem to be on the perpetual brink of complete transformation. I live with a constant feeling of being right there and just about and so close. It's an exciting feeling, and one full of hope and optimism, but it also, sometimes, makes it a tad bit hard to live completely in the present.
Big changes are heading our way, both as a family and as individuals. New work opportunities suddenly fell in Gaby's lap this month, and they could spell an end to the freelance lifestyle we've been precariously getting by on for the past couple of years. Gaby was thrown into the freelance world just as Biet was born, and its been a bit of a rocky and insecure path for us financially. We've been hoping and praying for something new to come along, something more fitting for him and for our family, for years. We've been envisioning two things: a career opportunity for Gaby that will bring us some sort of financial stability, and one that will allow him to still have precious time with his family. It seemed like a tall order, and we had no idea how it would happen. So we just kept on keepin' on , holding on to a delusional belief that somehow, one day, it would happen. And then suddenly, unexpectedly and out of nowhere, the exact scenario we'd been envisioning carved itself out right in front of us. We are beyond thrilled and grateful. I'm sort of still in disbelief. But the job won't start for a couple of months yet, so now we're in the waiting period, getting by on what we can and looking forward to a bright future.
And then there's Welkin, my dream, my other baby. It feels so close, yet so so far away.. a new creative reality for me on the brink of realization. I see myself being in a place where I'll be able to actually manifest my creative ideas- where I'll be able to physically manufacture the clothing I dream up, and it's the most thrilling feeling in the world. Creative freedom, making a living off of my ideas, running a business- it's the absolute dream. It's a dream I've been dreaming for a long time, yet I always found myself struggling to get by waiting tables and managing restaurants and developing catering companies. Now it feels like it's really all about to change. It feels as thought a whole new world, one that I've been longing for my entire life, is waiting, just outside the door.
But for now, we're in a place of transition, neither here nor there.
We're in the waiting place.
The Waiting Place
for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come,
or a plane to go or the the mail to come,
or the rain to go or the phone to ring,
or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake,
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.
No!
That's not for you!
Somehow you'll escape
All that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
Where Boom Bands are playing.
-Dr. Seuss
And so, I've decided, in order to remedy this affliction of having to wait out the next few days, weeks, and months, I'll be seeking out the Boomiest Bands in the city. With so much just on the horizon, its very difficult to live each day completely in the present, but I will try. These days, when I look at my children, I know that they will never ever be this small again, and that each day with them is a gift of sorts, a celebration, and should be treated as such. They are each constantly changing and are on the brink of their own great growths and victories. As a mother watching my children grow, I've come to realize how very fleeting the present is. And so, I want to aim to fully appreciate and live in the now.
Each year the autumnal winds bring with them a sense of productivity, an air of re-invention, and a universal feeling of warmth and gathering. Each day I intend to embrace this season, embrace my family, and leap into whatever adventures this city has in store for me. Because soon enough, life won't be so simple. And we'll look back from our gloriously busy, happily secure and comfortable life and say, "remember when we were in the midst of struggles, and made the best of it? Remember when..."
I know, in my heart, that each day we are exactly where we need to be. I trust in that. And I want to make each day a celebration not of where we are going, but of what we already have. I aim to make these days the best of days.
