Diaries Magazine

Thoughts for Today

Posted on the 03 November 2012 by Jfay1995
Sorry, I haven't written here like I normally do.  I guess I am very preoccupied with what is going on in my life at the moment.  I'm kind of scared to death of my upstairs neighbors, and their threats to me.  I kind of don't feel safe but went to the necessary steps to protect myself in my apt so I feel a little safer.  I think I have kept them from coming inside to hurt me.  Now, I'm nervous that it could happen as I am going from the apt. to the car.
I had to call the cops early yesterday morning before I went to my car, as I heard the guy saying a threat that he was going to wait in his car and then come over and (well, you can just imagine).  Not good.
And I have a strong suspicion they are dealing either pot or meth.  They don't know who I am yet.  All they are calling me at this point is "studio girl" as they know I have been listening to some of these fights with three guys above my head. 
I was in there in the dark and listening as they talked about hurting me and other stuff.  Then, all of a sudden, one of my cats decides to hop up to the shelf near window and rattles the blinds.  So, immediately some big bulky black guy says, "She better not be listening!"  Suddenly, I hear all their shoes pounding on the floor up there and I am scared to death they are coming outside to peek into my broken blinds to see if I am in there.
I booked it into my dark bedroom and quietly waited.  My two cats, Luna and Ella follow me everywhere.
Needless to say, all my broken blinds now have sheets nailed in so they can't see in to know if I am listening or to see what I am writing about.
One night, I was in my living room and was writing.  This was before I covered one of the living room blinds.  It was one am and I've been sleeping on my couch for the past few weeks with the light on, since all this mess upstairs became aware to all of us in the complex.
A big fight upstairs happened on the first night, possibly a death threat to someone up there, and massive banging, guy comes outside and then fights again and two shots get fired into the air from either upstairs or someone followed the guy out.  The guy took off and the cops had to bust down the girls door and there were several people inside.
So, this night at 1 am, I got up to use the bathroom.  Everything was quiet.  All of a sudden, there's tons of activity upstairs, people with their shoes on, beepers buzzing constantly in the hallway.  6 tenants to a building.  This girl was outside on phone and I do believe she saw me writing.  She goes upstairs and tells a guy this.  He says, "I'd like to get in there to see what she is writing."  Well, that's me.  I'm the only person in the building that they could see writing.  So, I know for a fact these threats are for me.
They could tell I bought a bar for my door this week, and then I got those sensors for the windows and accidentally set one off.  I let it go for a minute so they would get the hint.  Girl says, "You can't go through the windows now, all the neighbors will hear."  Then that night they say, "We've got to find another way in."
Well, what do I hear up there but the sound of a drill for about a minute and the girl is saying something like, "What the hell?"
I got this ridiculous feeling that they were thinking of drilling a hole in the ceiling.  Which was silly.  They would have to go through a lot of plywood and cause a lot of mess.
They are either messing with me, or it's for real, but I can't take the chance.  And apts are hard to find in my area.  Some don't take pets, some I can't afford.  And some just don't have anything available and there's no waiting list.
The cops are watching this area very heavily and hopefully these people will get caught and go where they belong.  Away from me.
So, sorry if I just don't write as much for a little bit.  I've got so much that I am overwhelmed with.  Dealing with this a break up with my boyfriend.  But we are friends again, and will just take it slow.  Who knows there.
And things may be changing for me with my kids as my ex husband is bringing a new girlfriend to the house today to meet the kids, so obviously I won't be here later today.  So minus the internet.  That would just be awkward to be meeting her at this point.
My only concern with that is I don't want  to have my time cut back with my children because of this new relationship.  Obviously eventually there could be.  I wouldn't naturally be able to stay as late as I have been, especially if she moves in.  She might not like me being there.  I might like her and I might not.  If she oversteps her boundaries with me and my kids, I might not like her.
And I will not like it if she thinks she can throw out my mother's things that I have given the girls.  If she eventually moves in and decides to throw out their things that aren't toys, I will have to make it clear to her that she will have to set it in a pile first before throwing it out, because if it's my mother's things and she's throwing them out, because she doesn't want to see my things there, I will want my mother's stuff back for safe keeping for when my girls are old enough.
And of course my things that I have there would eventually have to be moved back to my apt.  She won't want to see my stuff there.
But right now, she hasn't moved in yet and I will continue my regular routine there with the kids and be there during the day while they are gone.  Regular routine.  I mean, this girl might eventually not want me even in the house when the kids aren't there.  Or she might have a day off and not want me there.
But when the kids come home, I will be there whether she likes it or not.  She won't be able to keep a mother from her kids.
Thoughts for Today Jennifer Jo Fay
Copyrighted November 3, 2012


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