Missing the twins
I woke up this morning really missing my little babies and struggling at being so far away from them. All I wanted was to see they were ok but in turn, it was lovely seeing how happy Ben was when he woke up and saw me. He kept kissing my hand as we walked downstairs together.
First visit of the day to the SCBU
After some breakfast with Ben my husband and I jumped in the car and headed over to see Zachary and Zoey as quickly as we could. When we arrived in SCBU it was clear that there was a lot going on, one of the little babies had taken a turn for the worst and we were asked to wait in the parents room.
Suddenly everything was put in perspective. We are lucky, our babies just need to put on weight, there's nothing seriously wrong with them compared to other little babies there. My heart went out to the sick babies parents, I can't imagine how hard it must be for them.
While in the parents room I got chatting to one of the other mums whose baby was born twelve hours after our twins. It was a relief to hear that she is having the same problems as I am when it comes to pumping and expressing. Knowing that it's not "just me" makes me feel a lot less of a failure at it now and it gives me hope that if I stick at it, it will happen.
We got a few minutes with the twins eventually and an update from the paediatrician who said they were both doing well and making good progress, tolerating feeds and so on, so fingers crossed things keep going this way.
My postnatal check
After this I had my postnatal appointment in the hospital. I was expecting a quick check up but it actually turned into quite a scary few hours.
The midwife took one look at all my bruising and swelling following the c section and called a consultant, who called another and then another and another as they had never seen the type of bruising and swelling I had. I was given a gown, sent for a CT scan, blood tests etc and told I had to be re-admitted and would possibly need an operation which they would decide on once they saw the results of scan.
It was a scary few hours being looked at by so many medical people who were struggling to figure out what was wrong with me. In the end the doctors came to the conclusion that an artery must have been cut during the c section and was left to bleed which has meant a pool has collected and begun traveling down my legs which has lead to massive bruising. The are however happy that it is now contained and not as serious as they first thought. They want to see me again on Wednesday but thankfully changed their mind on admitting me.
I am so relieved that I don't have to have another operation and that it is not as serious as they first thought. It was a very stressful, frightening few hours for me and Chris not knowing what was happening. It has given me the kick I needed though to take it a bit easier and not think I can just run around and do everything straight away.
How Ben is coping
When we got home Ben was clearly upset we had been away for so long and was acting very strange towards us, saying I wasn't his friend and he didn't love me and wanted me "to go back to the doctors office". He came around eventually and I know he didn't mean the things he said but it was horrible to hear them. Tomorrow we really need to factor in some special Ben time so he Isra not feeling so abandoned. It's hard on him, he hasn't seen much of us, especially today and is clearly missing his mommy and daddy.
Some progress
We went into see the twins tonight in time to do their care which meant getting to change their impressively poop filled nappies and have a snuggle which was lovely. Zoey, although still tiny, is so strong, she was on her tummy and was pushing herself up on all fours practically.
As for Zachary, I think he looked chubbier today with his ever laid back looking personality shining through.
We had some really good news tonight as well, the twins are being moved out of the intensive care room and will be on less monitoring by tomorrow with just a feeding tube and one wire remaining in. This was just the boost we needed after such a long stressful day and a real marker of progress in Zachary and Zoey.
