Self Expression Magazine

Wedding Bliss

By Killmenow

Welcome to my site. You may want to check out my book, "Kill Me Now!". Thanks for visiting!

Last week I wrote about a religious wedding in which the bride turned up and because the groom had got cold feet, a volunteer was found. Talk about buying something unseen. It is not even a case of purchasing something via a catalog. You agree to marry one guy who is tall and get someone else who is wide instead of tall.

At that same wedding I heard another story that was so weird, I have to tell you about it.


Wedding Bliss?I would like to remind you of the background of the Haredi arranged marriages. These sol-called ultra-orthodox are not really allowed to think much for themselves, they rely on their rabbi for guidance. Don’t kill the messenger, this is the way it works. So a young couple are matched and they get together and after three dates, they get engaged. Once they are engaged, they do not meet again for a full year. What they do in this year is anyone’s guess. But at they end of that year, they get married and hopefully live happy ever after.

You need to read my book, “Kill Me Now!” for another religious wedding story.

Wedding Bliss?

The young lady in question, call her Betty married her beau, Jonathon. A full year went by and she had not seen her Jonathon. I wonder if I can call him Joe?

So Betty weds little Joe and they live together and have one child, then another and then another and another, all within the space of five short years. Such wedding bliss!

One day, one of Betty’s friends, Suzie, comes for a visit and looks at little Joe and looks again. Suzie looked at Joe, up and down and all over and poor Joe feeling the scrutiny thinks the friend has the hots for him. Naaaa. This is a religious family.  Suzie takes Betty aside and whispered in her ear, “That is not your Joe!”

Betty was shocked and wanted to throw Suzie out of her apartment but she decided to take another look. Suzie was right! This was not the Joe she had agreed to marry!

In the year that they were apart, Joe was replaced with another Joe!

I am sorry, but I am astonished. What happened to original Joe’s parents? Did she not recognize that not even Joe was different but also his entire family? Hey, maybe I can sneak up on  Anne Hathaway and pretend that I am her husband? If I tried, my girlfriend would beat the crap out of me, but do we have to tell her?

I think that Suzie’s marriage is about to be annulled, but I wonder if maybe she was a party to the deception?

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