So… I planned an amazing couples’ weekend–if I do say so myself– with the in-laws for the hubby’s birthday! There were thrills and chills… literally!
We did everything from Grand Prix style racing to experiencing “Snow in July”! (and remember it’s 90+ degrees here in Florida, so that’s an impossible feat, but I found it anyway!)
The itinerary was jam-packed (just the way I like it) and all was well… until we got on the race track! I’ll NEVER be able to live this one down.
Everything was perfect! I stumbled upon a brand new European style indoor go-karting facility here in town, Autobahn Indoor Speedway, where the speeds reach up to 50 mph! The reviews checked out on Yelp and the website boasted, “Perfect for Adults, Kids & Special Events”, so I’m thinking this will get the adrenaline pumping, the guys will love it, the girls will like it too, and if kids can do it, so can I!… WRONG on that last part!
Upon arrival, we were ushered over to the computers to complete and sign waivers (which should have warned me of impending doom) and I immediately became nervous, but proceeded with caution!
Next, we choose our track and signed up for a race!
We went with the Le Mans track, which seemed like a good idea due to less turns and more straightaways, but that also means top speeds and more freaking out for me! (I didn’t factor that in beforehand)
Finally, we got our protective head-gear (a ski mask of sorts and a helmet) and we were off to the races! (my heart was racing– I’m talking a million beats per minute) We were told to check the screens for our car number and go get buckled in! Problem is– when I arrived at my car I couldn’t buckle myself in because I totally could not see past my helmet. (I felt like the friggin’ Little Giants out there)
I raised my hand and waited for the attendant to help me! (how lame right?!) When I was all buckled in (being helped like a toddler in a car seat), I asked the attendant where I put my feet (it just didn’t feel right, so I asked) he showed me that my feet were placed fine, and I immediately screamed “HELP ME!!!” (Yes, it was a random outburst that startled the attendant, but I couldn’t take it anymore…the anxiety was just too much) After realizing that I was ok and just crazy… he laughed and reassured me that I’d be fine! (I retorted, NO, you don’t understand, I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING!)
Right in the middle of my panic attack, the engines started! (my heart sank to my butt, the attendant smiled and said something that I couldn’t hear over the roaring engines, and waved me on) Just like that, I was on my own… I’ve never felt so alone in all my life! We drove onto the track slowly (controlled by the operator) and before I knew it cars were whizzing past me at top speed, so I sped up (or so I thought)!
During the race, I immediately saw a Blue & Orange flag waving at me (but I didn’t know it was waving for me)… In my mind I was going a normal speed and everyone else was a bunch of crazed maniacs! So I proceeded at my own pace. The blue and orange flag means that you need to allow the person behind you to safely pass you, and I thought I was… but basically, they wanted me to get the heck outta the way because I was “Racing Miss Daisy” and about to cause an accident.
Again, in my mind, I was the only sane person on the track! Everyone was blowing past me and my own husband flew past (while waving peace signs) and literally burned rubber in my eyes! (Yes, I had to put my helmet visor down to protect myself)
It was a 14-lap race and after about the 7th lap, all of the cars suddenly stalled! Everyone looked around and the worst thing ever happened! The operator stopped the race and in front of all the other racers… Walked over to ME to ask if I was ok! (how humiliating, right?!?) He said he thought I was hyperventilating because I was going so slow and wanted to check on me! I replied, “You’re embarrassing me in front of all my friends!” He laughed and said, “Ok, try to speed up before someone hits you!” At that point all of the other cars knew that I was the problem, people on the sidelines heard him talking to me and laughed, I was humiliated, he restarted the race, and I was rear-ended shortly after by that racer the got 1st place in our race! (just perfect!)
I prayed for the race to be over and chanted “Please God make it stop” to myself, and after what seemed like an eternity, my prayers were finally answered! Oh, but the misery continued… The race stats were posted for all to see, and also emailed to everyone in the race! (because this is my life!) As you can imagine, I came in dead last and my stats were horrific! (see below… I blurred them a bit to make myself feel better!)
Overall, I lived to tell the story, my max speed was about 15 mph, I walked away with no injuries–except my pride, and I was the laughing stalk of the racing trip that I planned!–Can’t get much worse than that, ay!?
Everyone else had an EPIC time but… “I fought the law and the law won!”
