"I took a chance, I took a shot
And you may think I'm bullet-proof, but I'm not.
You took a swing, I took it hard.
And down here from the ground I see who you are."
― Taylor Swift
Have you ever loved someone so deeply that the longing you feel for their absence cuts through your insides like the blade of a scythe?
Have you ever longed for someone so much that words clump in your throat and your heart nearly stops cause you feel like you can't breathe?
I have. It's awful.
It's an ache that throbs my body while memories whip me endlessly like cat o' nine tails on bare skin.
I run away to save my soul but find I am running in circles, endlessly rounding the bend of my heart, tired, breathless but I can't stop, impelled by nightmare images that chase me in dreams and in daylight.
...what could have been...Running endlessly, and unable to shake the specter which haunts my quiet spaces and hellish traces of last words heard, I hide in corners hoping to blunt out the silent screams of a heart broken in two.
To no avail.
The days are filled with sudden whelps of pain and whimpers of quiet desperation. I cry endless tears.
...what could have been...I want to cut my heart out.
It says, "Foolish girl. You'll die."
My screams break the air like icicles falling from the roof of a house. They shatter before hitting the ground.
I know the only remedy is resurrection in another life to try another time.
My soul slides down my body at the thought of it, leaving me alone with my grief.
My pain holds me hostage at the gate of wouldacouldashoulda.
...what could have been...That's what it's like.
Lord, have mercy on me.
Bless my soul.
© 2019. Egyirba High. All Rights Reserved.
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