Yes, I’m a mother who loves a great sarcastic post and providing humorous observations about the insanity of parenting. But I’m also finishing my MA in Counseling with a focus on school counseling. I often see the world of depression around me from a young child or adolescent point of view. So when Robin Williams recently committed suicide, it made me think about all the wrong information out there about depression.
I decided to reach out and talk to the people who deal with it every day. The people who are battling depression. And I asked them them this one simple question:
What do YOU want people to know about depression?
I received hundreds of answers. Hundreds. From comments on Facebook to tweets on Twitter to personal emails sent from friends and strangers. I was blown away. Which shows you that there’s too many wrong things being said about depression and not enough right.
I picked a few of the comments that really struck a cord with me to share.
Do me a favor, would you? Share this with your friends. Your family. Your co-workers. Hell, share it with your ex-boyfriend. Just share it so more people know the REAL truth and not something they try to figure out on their own.
I have never battled depression but as a person in the mental health world as well as a friend to a few who are, I will only say this. It’s not a matter of realizing the world loves them or about being happy. It is a chemical imbalance that sometimes is so draining that the people fighting it get tired of trying to find the solution. So don’t ask a person why they are depressed, just ask them what you can do to help.
Here’s their words:
Dani Lyn: “People say suicide is an act of cowardice. It is not. It’s also not selfish. It is a complete and total act of desperation and despair. Until you walk a mile in someone’s shoes, you should judge them.”
Kristen: “When people tell you, “you have so much in your life to be happy about. You have kids, a home, a spouse who loves you. Why are you even depressed? You have no reason to be!” I could have everything that I want, but it will still feel like everything around me is crumbling. I don’t chose to feel this way. My mind does it for me.”
Tracy: “There is a darkness inside that aches and their is no light insight. No matter how much and hard you try to make things better or at least pretend it’s better it’s like the darkness sucks you in deeper. You can’t or don’t want to talk because you feel stupid for feeling the way you feel as their is no explanation or reasoning behind it. No one understands and because of this you’d rather disappear.”
It’s Why You Like Me: “There are days that are darker than others. Likewise there are days that are bright. I cannot control which day I get and need those that love me to accept me as I am.”
Pon: “That depression is not always the one who cant seem to get their shit together and wears depression like a badge that elicits sympathy. But its also the breadwinner of the family, the caretaker, the one who plans activities, the one who holds things together for the family, with a smile on their face. Behind all that they can be depressed and hide it from everyone to not be a burden.”
Deena: “Some days I’m so disconnected that I don’t recognize myself in the mirror. I wish people understood that it’s a chemical imbalance in the brain. If I could “just think happy thoughts” and “POOF” all gone, don’t you think I would have done that even without your brilliant advice?”
Dede: “You can’t “snap out of it”! Being sad and depressed is not a choice, it’s a dark tunnel that your are thrown into and become trapped in.”
Sandy: “You’re told to ‘pull yourself together’, ‘take control of it’ or the favorite, ‘go to the doctor and get pills’. Depression isn’t taken seriously because ‘we all get depressed at some time in our lives’. But what if the pills don’t work (they don’t for me) and you’ve tried and tried but you can’t take control of it (and somehow that makes you a failure in your own mind)? What’s left then? You smile and laugh and joke and ‘how are you?’ gets answered with ‘I’m fine’ because no-one wants to hear the truth anyway. You slowly withdraw and no-one notices. Then one day you realize you haven’t gotten out of bed for weeks other than for small periods of time and you haven’t left the house for months. Your car sits neglected in the garage because you go nowhere and you avoid people at all costs. Yes, you love your family. Your children are your everything and you really are blessed to have such a good, understanding husband. But what if your depression is actually harming them because you’re not really present, are you? What’s left then?”
Theresa: “Don’t tell me to snap out of it. When I’m crying and trying to talk to you, I don’t want to hear that. I want to hear that everything will be okay and that you love me. Don’t try to fix it, just listen to me!”
Thank you to all who shared. Your words moved me and hopefully will move others. Thank you for being willing to talk about it. You are brave and I truly appreciate it.
