When Static Meets A Good Hair Day

With winter comes snow, ice, frost, leaky windows, drippy roofs, and the most annoying house guest of all...static electricity.
Drag your feet, touch a light switch, get a shock.
Slide your bum from a nice, comfy La-Z-Boy, lift your laptop, get a shock.
Rest your locks against practically any surface (car, coat, chair, pillow), look like Beetlejuice...oh, and get a shock if ya touch anything.
After a week of hearing nothing but negative stuff out of Singletonville, I decided to fancy-up my Friday with a different look. So, with my hair sleek and super straight, I headed to the store. Now, the static hadn't really bugged me all day (translation: hair looked good, didn't want to disturb it, spritzed water on it to keep it from going Beetle-J on me). However, my tolerance level had reached its maximum.
Up it goes! I pulled out an ouch-less hair band and did a twisty knot atop my head. Usually, I don't worry about the twisty knot-do because it's usually fool proof.
Enter static.
Walking around the store, I noticed a few odd looks aimed at the top of my head. Ignoring them, I kept on course until I heard a child's giggle. Now, I'm not sure the child's laugh was directed at me or not, but it totally sent me into Paranoid Paty mode.
When I got to frozen foods, I very nearly gagged at the God awful reflection staring back at me from the frosty door.
Oh. Dear. God. 
What the frick was going on with my hair?
I looked like Edward Scissorhands' little sister.
My twisty knot was not a twisty knot, but some creature from the depths of ugly, split down the middle, flopping to each side of my head, while stray strands stuck up all over the damn place.
I've never seen anything quite like it. Horrendous doesn't begin to describe it.
Mortified, I headed to the always empty card aisle, yanked the band out of my hair, and madly fluffed my mane.
Bad move.
The static was now worse than ever. There was no fixing this. My once sleek, sexy hair was now freakishly alien.
Needless to say, I was quite happy to get home and put my hair up...properly.
Evil static.