I wrote your horoscope for this week (April 9-15, 2012)
Because I care.
And horoscopes are fun.
You should probably follow my advice, unless you want some sort of biblical tragedy to befall you.
Aries
Stubborn as a mule? More like stubborn as a ram! Your strong-willed nature is taking a toll on your relationships with friends and family. This week, put your ambition and creativity to good use by giving to others instead of pursuing your own goals.
Taurus
This week, practical matters take precedence over fun. Do what Taurians do best: take care of business. Your everyday life runs smoothly when it’s in order. Ditto for your love life, you passionate bull!
Gemini
Flexible Gemini, the juggler of the Zodiac! You have many balls in the air this week (literally? sexually? metaphorically?…) Strive for balance by adapting to your surroundings. Diligence at school or work and fun at home is the key to a successful week.
Cancer
It’s time to come out of your shell, Cancer! Get out of your comfort zone. Order something different at the coffee shop and don’t forget to flirt with that cute barista. Next week, you can rest comfortably in your shell, but this week is for taking risks.
Leo
It’s time to hang back and let someone else take the lead. You don’t always have to be the alpha-lion. This week, relax and observe instead of dominating social situations. When you make time to listen, others will want to share their feelings with you.
Virgo
Take a break from over-analyzing! A Virgo who spends all their time thinking has no room left for feeling. This week, get in touch with your emotions. Think with your heart instead of your head (regardless of what you know about human anatomy) and people will see you differently.
Libra
It’s time to shake thing up, Libra. This week you should eat a cupcake, fly a kite and color outside the lines! A little creativity will get you out of your routine and help you to think outside the box. Your boss might even thank you.
Scorpio
Be careful with your stinger, Scorpio! Think before you act this week. Keep your anger in check until you can calmly speak your mind. Be compassionate instead of passionate and friends will flock to you.
Sagittarius
Kick up those hooves, Sagittarius! Stop philosophizing and start acting. Your arrow can only hit the target if you choose to aim. Your success in any endeavor depends on action, so get moving this week.
Capricorn
A healthy Capricorn knows not to take criticism personally. This week, let the negativity of others role off your shoulders. The weight of the world is not yours to carry and if you’re patient, you’ll achieve your goal.
Aquarius
Aquarians are prone to armchair humanitarianism. You care deeply but laziness gets in the way of action. This week, take a stand. You’re magnetic when you share your passions and interests with others.
Pisces
This week, take a break from helping others. Your friends, family and associates often treat you like their personal psychologist. Enough is enough. This fish needs to swim.
Have a great week, readers (who I’m now going to affectionately refer to as Hippity Hops)
