Why is blogging like wearing a thong ? Because most blogging advice is boring and is directed at dumb-asses.
The advice that you read out there in cyberspace is for sissies. It’s a snooze fest. The info is the same.
Same. Same. Same.
Blah blah blah.
Burp.
Snooze.
Snore.
Exhale.
Close your eyes.
Note : My mother is going to need a pacemaker after reading todays list. Then… she is going to want to wash my mouth out with soap.
Warning : Potty mouth alert. Avert your eyes if you are a nun or more immature than I am. Like that can happen.
Blogging is like wearing a thong.
1. Both blogs and thongs get down to the nitty gritties.
When I first started blogging, I wanted to read the down and dirty nitty gritty. The behind the scenes. The down low. The magicians secrets. The blogging tricks and insider secrets. Was there a secret club that I wasn’t getting invited to? I wanted to know the EPIC shit. The big picture and the wee itty bitty picture too. The whole enchilada. The big taco. The real deal.
What did I learn? It’s pretty tough stuff to get the real deal shit. It’s definitely impossible to get it under one roof.
2. Every thong blog is different, but the structure and patterns are the same.
Although all of our blogs are different, the patterns to success are the same. We need to learn the same things about social media, website SEO, content, photos, how to share it, and how to organize it all in a cohesive and beautiful way.
You see, the thing about having an epic blog and growing an online business is that it is like eating cheese.
Once you taste an incredible aged cheddar cheese, you never want to go back to Kraft cheese slices again. Like Taylor Swift never ever … ever.
It’s nice to be entertained in the blogging world too, right? I know. You’re demanding. Let’s not talk about that. *Smile*
It’s nice to have some fun.
If it isn't fun, I don't want to do it.
So there.
3. Blogs and thongs are entertaining in their own weird way. Each one is unique.
How do you learn how to blog?
You do it…. by doing. Put one foot in front of the other and soak in all the learning like a sponge. It took me 2 years. That is like 50 years in a cat’s life. I feel like a blogging senior citizen.*
* The kind of senior citizen that sips bourbon under the table while cheating at playing cards.
Wearing a thong and writing a blog is scary shit.
Here’s the thing. Once you learn a lot, it gets scary. Scary because you start to realize the potential. Scary, because it is a ton of work. Scary because you start to GET it and then you get in your own head.
You truly get the big picture of what your blog can be. Holy shit, batman. Scary.
Some days you will be worried that you will have to write in your ‘ Everyone hates me today ‘ journal.
Sometimes you will over edit yourself. You know what I mean. I do it.
I deleted fuck 20 times out of this blog post.
I lie.
19 times.
4. Want to get noticed ? Wear a thong blog and wear it well.
You are an idiot if you don’t have a blog. Why?
- Because working on paper is so last century. Blog
- Want to catapult yourself and your brand? Blog.
- Want to make a difference in the world ? Blog.
- Want to open up doors of opportunity? Blog.
- Want your business to be found on-line? Blog for cripes sake.
- Geesh. Blog.
Do I need to scream it? Because I will. From a roof top. Buck naked. Possibly wearing a thong. Or not. PS. The thong visual just gave me a hot flash. Ewwwwwahhh. I would rather swim in a pit of crocodiles than wear a thong.
What happens when you blog?
5. A thong blog can touch you in your deepest darkest places.
You grow.
You write.
You learn.
You shit your pants from fear.
You drink.
You cry.
You celebrate.
Rinse.
Repeat.
You see, when you grow an online life and a business, it comes with pains. Those of you who have worn an uncomfortable thong* know this feeling.
* ouch
Except the feeling is a zillion trillion billion times more painful than that. It is like a roller coaster of hell and euphoria all at once.
Mostly euphoria.
6. Why does a blog feel like a thong this way?
Sometimes your Mother won’t approve. Sometimes you will offend. Sometimes you will entertain.
Keep this thought in your heart :
Whatever is good for your soul, do that.
Click to tweet
I have grown this blog to where it’s at today in an unintentional way. Some people have a better plan than that. I wasn’t that smart { in the beginning. }
My blog grew because I just wrote whatever happened to come out of my mouth that day. Or week. Yes, it sometimes takes a week to write a blog post. I’m fast as molasses like that. Take the time because it matters that every blog post matters.
7. Make your thong blog stand out in the crowd. Be naked with your thong words. Be proud of it. Own it. Crush it. Kill it. Be awesome.
Quote via Minna May
Do you want to write an epic blog post?
Write to educate, inform, entertain, or inspire.
Don’t be afraid to catch hell when you do it. The blog posts that scare the shit out of you to write…. publish them*.
* I sipped wine just to write that line.
Want to really know how to grow your content and write like a superstar? Follow your favorite bloggers. Learn from them. Grow with them. Talk to them. They are real people. Reach out. Who are my faves? You can see my list of favorite bloggers here.
Want to learn the inside scoop on writing great copy and becoming an epic blogger? Follow copyblogger. <– Note : I just handed you an epic link. Go to it. It’s the best thaaaaang since sliced bread.
Copyblogger will rock your world. Big time. If I could french kiss Brian Clark for all his Copyblogger epic-ness, I would.
Right smack on the lips. A wet juicy one.
And you think I joke. I like that you think that way.
And then, ohhhh then… something happens along your blogging journey…
You are going along happily and your world flips upside down.
You get water up your nose. You cough. You spit. You want to punch your dingy blog right smack in the jaw. ** POW **
Truth :
Once I learned the potential of an online life, it almost made me want to quit.
Gospel truth.
Quit.
8. Thong wearing Blogging can make you feel naked and vulnerable.
Bloggers { including myself } who start to over-edit ourselves start to get scared. I wrote words like you’re and idiot & dumbass. Sometimes I even wrote the word fuck. {Mostly because I have been reading the middle finger project} I love how they own an f-bomb and they aren’t afraid to use it.
Dear world, I just ate 2 stale chocolate chip cookies for breakfast, and I’m fucking proud of it.
Keeping it real is where it’s at. Authentic. Real. Scared out your pants real.
Putting the authentic words out there = true blogging.
That is the kind of writing what will catapult you to epicness. Not the gray matter shit that everyone seems to want to write just because everyone else is doing it.
Content is King and epic original content is the cat’s fucking meow.
Is that the real truth?
Abso-fucking-toot-ly.
What will make your content the bee’s knee’s ? The cat’s pajamas ? Amazeballs of epic-ness ??
The kind of blogging that scares the hell out of you to hit that publish button.
I literally had to hit a wall of fear to really get that in my own head.
9. A thong blog can have incredibly uncomfortable moments.
How do you get through it all ? By learning how to go out on a limb.
You will discovered something pretty cool along your blogging journey :
All the nice fruit is waaaaay out on the far-reaching end of the limb.
The limb that is really hard to reach.
By the way … the far-reaching fruit on the teeter totter edge of the limb is worth the stretch….even if you don’t like the thong up your ass fall on your ass part while trying to climb that freaking tree.
O. M. Effffing. G.
You can do it.
And take the high road along the way. There is less traffic on that road.
Are YOU up for a journey? A blogging journey.
Illustration by Minna May
I want to show you how I have been doing it. I want to show you the inside scoop, the ropes, the inner workings of what it takes to have an epic blog.
It takes effort. Huge effort.
And….
Some people may want to trip you along the way.
10. Thongs blogs can encounter assholes.
What do you do when that happens? Throw the thong aside and put on your big girl panties. Suck it up buttercup.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Think about your blogging path. Where do you want your blog to go? Where do you want to take your readers?
I will guide you through the steps to help you so you won’t run straight into a wall
Uhhhm, like I did.
Negative nellies, and feeling overwhelmed can make you feel like you not only ran into a wall, but you got hit by a truck along the way. Damn it.
That wall. Bastard.
But remember this…
Your voice can make a difference.
Before I figured out my blogging path, my frustration level meant that someone was about to get punched in the head. I was über frustrated. And tired.
I contemplated tripping people { and smiling about it }.
It was official. I did it.
I ate the shit sandwich.
I learned that if you don’t recharge your batteries, you will head for a backstage pass to guaranteed disaster.
Make a plan. Develop a business plan.
A plan that works for you. Your family. Your lifestyle.
Design your life.
Getting permission from someone else for your success is so last century.
You can wear a thong make your plan and nobody needs to know that you did it all in your bathrobe.
PS. I’d rather throw myself into a pit of crocodiles than wear a thong.
Just sayin’.
Here’s the real deal : I want to show you the ropes on how to blog. I will make mistakes. I excel at that at times.
And I need your help. You can help me by telling me what you want. What blogging advice do you want to hear? Do you even want to know about blogging? NO ?! Then tell me what you want to hear about. Want more DIY’s ? Tell me. Want a little of this a little of that?
My goal is to help you to Design your life. Design your work life. Design your blogging life. Design your creative life.
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Let’s do this journey together.