One thing I have found so helpful and empowering through reading other bloggers is the encouragement I find in other women sharing the realness of their lives, families, and marriages. I want to share some things that through our dating, courtship, and first year of marriage that have helped us put the first priority in our married relationship as Christ. I hope you will be encouraged and blessed by reading:)
1. Seek God's will in all thingsIn wanting to have Christ at the center of our family/marriage, we want to strive to do His will in all things. My Dad gave us a really good piece of advice shortly after we got engaged, he said: "Make decisions together the three of you (Jim, Patty, God). Pray together as a couple when making big/little decisions that affect your family...seek after God's will in all things. Seek God's will as you discern when to start your family, about finances, whether or not to take a certain job, etc. For us right now, we are really seeking God's will as my husband is beginning to network and build up a faith based counseling practice. For a control freak like me, it's hard and scary...but Jim keeps reminding me If we try and figure it out or do it on our own, it will very likely become a smoking crater.
2. Pray togetherMost nights as we get into bed Jim and I lay hands on and pray over each other. The laying on of hands is mentioned regularly in the Bible and so after we got married, we figured it would be a neat spiritual tradition to start in our family. It is very simple, but very powerful at the same time...there is something really special about being able to minister to each other as husband and wife like this. It's a calming way to drift off to sleep, and also such a comfort to know your partner, best friend has spiritually got your back:)
We also try to read Scripture together. Every night? No, but we are striving for consistency. Right now we are in the book of Romans. We switch off who reads and listens, but the cool part is sharing what struck us individually and then talking about how that applies to our lives and how we can live that out in our home. As Catholics, we also like to pray the Rosary; as a Scriptural prayer, it is a really neat way to walk through and meditate on the different events of the life of Jesus.
Pray grace together before eating meals together, yes even in public!
3. Read good books together that build up your faith and marriageOne of our favorite things to do together since we started dating was read good books together. We must have been doing it fairly often because it became an ongoing joke with our families if got were hanging out one night they almost always assumed we would have "Jim-Patty book club time"! Even a year into being married, we still enjoy spending time together by reading good books that call us to a deeper faith and stronger marriage. Some of our favorites include:
The Five Love LanguagesThe Seven Levels of Intimacy-The Art of Loving and the Joy of Being Loved Sexperiment-7 Days to Lasting Intimacy with your Spouse The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse Theology of the Body for Beginners Forming Intentional Disciples-The Path to Knowing and Following JesusTen Prayers God Always Says Yes To:Divine Answers to Life's Most Difficult Problems
4. Get involved in your church and/or a young adult groupJim and I have been really blessed to come across and join a great young adult group. They meet once a month for food, fellowship, and a have talk relevant to young adults seeking to follow Christ more in their lives. They also have small groups (which we have both gotten hooked in and love!!:), service opportunities, and retreats. For us it has been really beneficial to surround ourselves with like-minded people who take seriously their faith. It empowers and adds spark to our collective and individual prayer lives and also is giving us a great way to meet other young, newlywed couples and make new friends.
5. Make it a priority to go to church together on SundayAs a Youth Minister, once a new school year starts weekends can get pretty busy for me between retreats, weekly meetings, etc. We both decided early on, that going to church every Sunday together as a family was something really important to us; something we were not willing to compromise on. Even if I have a crazy busy ministry weekend, taking that time for re-charging our spiritual batteries in a community of believers is a way to take time out of a busy week for God. You can't give what you don't have yourself, so how can we as a team help the other grow spiritually and become the best version of themselves if we don't put God first?
6. Pray for each otherPray for your spouse daily; for his/her needs, spiritual growth, concerns, to help you be the spouse they need you to be, etc. We have a responsibility to our husbands, and how can they become men of God if we don't pray for them regularly? Also offer up little sacrifices for your spouse because you love them. Maybe offer up having dessert or listening to the radio on the way from home and instead of doing something you personally like use it as an opportunity to pray for your husband.
7. Honor Christ in your home through religious artA simple, yet beautiful witness to illustrate that Jesus means something to you/a role in your marriage is to display religious art in your home. We have a beautiful image of Jesus hanging in our living room. We also have a crucifix above our bed that I got in Assisi, Italy when I went on a pilgrimage in college. Above the main door to our apartment, we have a decorative plaque with the words of Jesus, "Love one another as I have loved you" ...very applicable words in marriage!I'm not saying your home has to be decked out like some glorious old world cathedral, but having art in your home that expresses a combined faith in Jesus is for us a simple way to be reminded who is at the center of our relationship; the super glue that holds us together through all the bumps of life together.
8. Take faith based field-trips or local pilgrimages togetherFor our one year anniversary this past June, Jim planned a week of "staycation" activities on a local level since money was tight. One thing he planned was doing a local tour of old churches in Detroit. There are some really beautiful old churches near where we live and we thought it would be fun to make a day out of seeing and checking some of them out. Now granted the first 2 churches were locked (bummer), but the last 2 we found were open. It was really cool to be the only people just walking around looking at the beautiful architecture and stained glass windows. It also made for some quiet, peaceful prayer time at the ones we were able to visit.
This picture below is us at the world's largest Christmas store. Yup, you heard me...the largest in the world! Lucky for us, it is only about 2 hours from where we live in Michigan. So this past Advent, we trekked out to Frankenmuth to visit Bronner's Christmas Wonderland. The store is open literally almost all year long, and when we went during Advent it was a fun way to enter into the season...as well get some cute Christmas decorations for our apartment and a new Advent wreath. It was a unique and fun way to prepare our hearts for Christmas.
It just so happened that I stood in front of angel...hence the funky looking wings on me. lol!
Whether it is tour of old churches in the city you live in or attending a married couples retreat in a new city, look for fun creative ways to make up your own faith based field trip together. It will be a new memory and can also be a way to grow and bond closer together spiritually.
9. Serve togetherAnother way to strive to have a Christ centered marriage is to serve together. For me, one of the most basic things about being a Christian is that we can't hold all this 'Jesus-y goodness' to ourselves; we have to go out and share it with others through service. One way we serve together is by Jim helping me from time to time in the youth ministry program together at church. He recently chaperoned a weekend youth conference with me (which was awesome!) and this coming year he will start to help create a men's ministry for the teen guys involved in youth ministry. We also have done things like help volunteer at a homeless shelter and do things with the elderly at our church. Get creative with this one!! You know yourself and your spouse. What are your combined likes/interests? Look for unique, fun, and meaningful ways to take what you both like and find a way to serve others through that :)
10. Find yourself a spiritual director/companionThis one may sound kind of odd or strange. My thought is that I cannot be the wife Jim needs me to be or the woman God wants me to become if my own personal spiritual life is a mess. Consider prayerfully looking for someone who can walk beside you in your spiritual life as a companion; a person you can talk about/share what is going on in your spiritual life, ask questions to, and of course pray with. Maybe it is a pastor you have known your whole life or another older, more experienced Christian woman. Having a spiritual companion is not the same thing as a therapist, although there is value in both but those are two different relationships. My spiritual companion is another Youth Minister friend who is older than me in terms of ministry experience, spiritual wisdom, and years of being married. Jim has found his spiritual companion in a pastor he knew well through his time in the seminary.
We both take time out to make sure we are taking care of and nurturing our own spiritual lives, so that it will help strengthen our collective relationship with God. It is a helpful tool we have seen bring fruit in our marriage. Think and pray about it with your spouse...maybe it is a good thing for your marriage too?
Thank you so much for taking time to read on what has helped my husband and I put God first in our marriage. I would love to hear from you readers what are things that you have found helpful in striving to have a Christ centered marriage with your husbands. :)