12.10.2012 – 14.10.2012

Friday 12.10.2012

A.B and Ducky looked at me in the morning.

In Campus 2 I was waiting aside in the hall again. At least there was place for me.

In lecture room 1, I sat where I sat the last time. I had was a problem saving my Notepad document in html format. The guy next to me said something, after that I asked him “What?”, he said “Nothing”. Then he was having trouble finding how to upload his file to his UGD profile, I found it immediately after I tried. Yes, he asked me about it. You never know who will help you.

After the exit, Andrea demanded a calculator from me. I told her I was gonna need it first, so we arranged I to give it to her after the Electrotechnics practices . Meanwhile Tim was listening to our conversation, ready to join. Probably It was weird to him that I act closed and I can look in eyes when I talk.

Mum had told me to fill the gap from 9 to 10 o’clock waiting at the university, but only I was standing alone, the others had someone, so I went to walk. The Spanchevo guy left his things on the bench telling his friend he was going to eat. He avoided me although I looked at him to say “Hi”.

They didn’t accept me, but I wasn’t sad for it. Similar was the case with Jesus. I know they will come to me sooner or later ‘cos they almost always do. Then I can avenge them, but I leave it to God. Unfortunately, they can’t see the spiritual pain I’ve been through. Like many predecessors, instead of being forthcoming, it’s easier for them to think I’m crazy than to understand me. Just… do they hate their Creator so much? What is the purpose of their existence then? Sex? Practically, everything they do, they do out of use. Can’t they love me just because I come from Him?

On the other side, they help me evaluate spirituality more. I can always be happy for other people’s happiness. With their misdeeds God can easily see the inhumanity in them. Plus, they contribute to deepening the relationship between God and I. How wouldn’t I love them?

Returned, I found some from my group waiting in the second floor hall. I stood at them, nothing. I climbed upstairs and went in lecture room 12. Alone. When I returned, they were gone, I found them in another room. Others told us we weren’t gonna have practices there. In the hall, it wasn’t all the same to me. While they were joking about the Eiffel tower’s collapse, I had my killing look again. When the assistant went to find us in the final lecture room, everyone laughed, only I had the look. Upstairs (again  they came to mine), I sat next to two guys. A colleague took the chair next to me with my permission. The unshaven handsome guy in front of me was supposed to take something from the girl behind me. I didn’t do them a favor to pass it. I don’t want them to think I’m naive. The tasks were difficult to everyone. I was lucky that I wasn’t asked.

We were released around 11:10, I didn’t stay with Muriel and the others for homework analysis. I waited for Andrea outside, she didn’t show up, so I went to wait for the bus. There, a girl from Zlox, who I didn’t see said “Nick!”. I smiled and asked “Who are you?”, but she didn’t hear me. This is what makes me happy – when someone I didn’t see addresses me. It means to me.

I regretted for my killer’s look, they didn’t deserve even that. However at least they know I can be good, I can be bad as well. Avec my killer’s look, sans the look, I’m one of them they like it or not.

Before going in the bus I said “Hi” to Derek V., he asked me:
-Nick, how is it?
Opinion up.

In Preevytip, I saw Marcus and Rob T.. There was a pair in love next to me. Even though the boy joked about the “69” pose, posing in front of the girl, I’m very glad to see they are happy. Sarah (my cousin) from school invited me at their place, I refused. Al from Ratabitz came to wait, Adele and I were looking each other. To my misfortune, a girl asked me if I would go to Zlox. At 13:04 I left.

[The continuation is based on notes.]

Saturday 13.10.2012

I decided not to go to Sarah (my cousin)’s earlier birthday celebration in the evening. I didn’t want to go twice, the age difference between me and her friends isn’t corresponding and I wouldn’t have a gender balance.

Sunday 14.10.2012

I had a winning smile when I learnt that there weren’t boys on Sarah’s birthday celebration.

I was on the Internet mostly.